WANTED — Thieves of (MY) sunglasses


So – my sunglasses are being held ransom. The sunglasses I look so good in.. The ones that validate me as a person with style, class and a general formidable’ness that cannot be matched by any other pair of sunglasses.

The back story on this is – on my first night of SXSW, I ended up a mess, wandering the streets, alone – and in need of a mate. Enter Texan – who was at a bar. So I trotted off to meet the Texan after being left for dead by Natalie (the Bang Pop) and Hands (they didn’t actually leave me, I left them – but in this version – I am the victim). I meet Texan, listen to Boys Noize took a ride one of those tikki carts (I don’t know what they are called but they look something like this), walked for MILES to get to the housemates car (lets call him T2) and then got back to the Texans apartment – where I DEMANDED tracksuit pants (sweatpants) and rolled onto sleep.

Not my finest moment – no. ANYWAY the next day I get woken up by T2 – who is driving me home – bless. NO. not bless. I accidentally left my sunglasses at the boys apartment- and after realizing I may or may not have lost them I asked T2 really nicely, and kind of sexily (I was husky, AND Australian – this is babe status even in my books.. Although I am certain, I looked a mess) whether he could have a look out for them, and if he found them – give them to me before I left..

Pretty simple.. right? Obviously not.. Monday – the day I get home from SXSW. The day I LEAVE Texas.. I get a text message

NOT OK.. after hours (read minutes) of banter, it seems that T2 likes my sunglasses and wants to keep them. Again, NOT OK.

I now get this text message..

Now – few side points, I don’t say queer in the derogatory sense – but they are girls sunglasses, NOT FOR STRAIGHT MEN. So don’t get sensi on me California/ which ever other places might get offended by me saying queer. Secondly – don’t you even DARE hold threats over my head by sending me ransom’esque pics of you wearing my sunglasses. You are just baiting me now – and I am kind of becoming a big deal on the internet – so I would fear being shunned by me.

Maybe I will release your telephone number on Twitter ALA J.Beibz (he did this to his arch nemesis) – that could be a hoot. Or maybe I will just send you a male dwarf stripper’ogram – Fireman themed. Classy.

So, be warned T2 – you and that tall mate of yours best watch your back, because Australian’s know how to get dirty.. (And by dirty – I mean – mean, FYI)


About LUCY

Femme of sass, sometimes.