Since we had the nice people at Nutcase Helmets bring you guys What’s Up Weekend for the month of June, I have seen 2 different road incidents (unrelated to me) and have almost been hit by a car because Mondays. This scared the shit out of me, and then as a result got me thinking – why don’t I wear a helmets? Like – it legitimately makes no sense. There are a whole variety of reasons why people aren’t opting for helmets and to be frank they are totally moronic. So – I made a list as to why we should be wearing helmets/ what the fuck guys – wear a helmet.
PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS
Have you met the greater population these days? I think at least 60% of people make me want to cry humanity a river. Then, you give them a drivers license – what the fuck. And actually, it’s not even just the cars (although seriously cars, I exist on the road with you…come on) it’s the other bikers, it’s the pedestrians with little tiny humans who can’t see outside themselves and their realities. It’s these people that just jump out in front of you that make biking dangerous.
HELMET HAIR IS NOT A THING
You know how long I cycle for per ride at the MOST…? I’ll tell you – 20 minutes. Possibly I don’t care enough about my hair – but I’m pretty certain that if I wore a helmet for 20m, got to my destination and whipped my hair back and forth for not even 10 seconds all that “helmet hair” would pretty much be a non-event. And hang on a minute – seriously, if this is your excuse for not wearing a helmet, how vein are you? Really, refer back to the general idea of point one.
BRAINS, WE ALL HAVE ONE
You know something, we wear shoes so we don’t ruin our feet, we wear sunscreen because UV rays are terrifying things, we opt for a seatbelt because no-one wants to risk projecting through the front windscreen in the event of an accident – so what the fuck are we all doing? This right to choose for a helmet is bananas. I am 60% more interesting because I’m able to use my brain, why would I even jeopardise this by not wearing a helmet. To be honest, I can’t imagine people who don’t have full use of their brain (given the choice) would opt for it… You know what I mean? It all comes back to our 2014 New Year Resolutions, sort of… Recognise self worth – fuck the noise, and the so called judgement care about yourself/ your brain.
SAFE IS SEXY
Really. Helmets are to bikes what condoms are to casual living – necessary. Taking care is much hotter than living with reckless abandon. Yeah – sometimes it is a total drag, but do you know what is more of a drag? An STD. I mean – this is the sort of stuff that is totally preventable. If I am to be rolling around with a guy and they are insisting on condoms and practicing all things safe between the sheets – that person just got substantially more attractive, because they give a shit. Yes, it’s probably more about themselves and not wanting a little 50% Lucy to support – but what do I care, THEY CARE about being SAFE. This is what it’s like for helmets. Recognising there are variables, recognising you aren’t in total control and recognising you have the ability to do something with that.. It’s totally crush worthy.
MAKE MUM HAPPY
When you live over 24 hours away by plane parents worry. Literally anything could happen and probably they won’t know, because how could they even be your emergency contact person at such great distances? Can’t. Even the suggestion of wearing a helmet makes mums and dads happier humans, happier humans give you less of a hard time and maybe decide that over great distances they will spoil you rotten (Mum? I’m really broke at the moment). Think about the long game guys, the parental love long game.
Gone are the days when helmets are totally ugly and daggy, people make good ones now – with cool prints and nice shapes (revert back to any and all mentions of Nutcase Helmets). You don’t need to look foolish in this clunky object atop your head with reflector lights and all things awkward. And even if there wasn’t a nice option of helmet, even if we were totally stuck with shitty looking stack hat type options – what the fuck is wrong with us?
Make your own noise. Beige-complacent’ness is so 2012.