This Friday the world ends. The Mayans predicted it, something wild is going to happen – it will be much like the Day After Tomorrow and everyone’ll be miserable, and then dead. In an effort to feel like I really lived – I made a really quick list of all the things I’ll be doing on Friday, in preparation of the impending apocalypse.
I actually really struggled with this – so if you have any good End of the World activities, hit me.
Eat everything – give a shit about 2000 calories a day, this is you LAST meal (if you continue to eat all day, it’s one big meal). If you aren’t getting around pizza, pasta, burgers, ice cream cake or chocolate eclairs at least every hour, you are wasting good gorging time.
Tell someone you love them – this may not even be true, but the world is ending and in those last few moments – it’s going to feel right. The thing is everyone wants to be loved – so in your last hours/ minutes/ everything – you may as well superficially feel it. Unless you do really feel it – then you should say that with conviction, for sure. My email is firstname.lastname@example.org > feel free to send through declarations, electronically.
Punch someone in the mouth – not just anyone, but that person you really don’t like. I’m not taking the mindset of “Just let it go.” That’s shit to be honest. I don’t like you, you should know that before the world ends – you arsehole.
Go to a bar – most of your problems can be solved in a bar. And the simple fact of it is, the world is ending.. It doesn’t matter if you sit at home and watch the clock tick – it’s coming. You’re dead. May as well have a beer with that information.
Start a dance party – once you are done at the bar, take to the streets – and start a dance party. When the apocalypse happens, I sure as shit don’t want to be watching Seinfeld on my computer, waiting. Let’s disco and suck face with strangers.
Call your mum/ dad/ sister/ brother/ grandparents – old mates had to put up with your shit for God knows how many years, would be rude not to give them a quick “So, it’s been real and thanks” call.
Don’t panic – over emotional humans out there in the atmosphere, please note: there is no point in crying, there is no point in getting upset – you aren’t a victim. Do you understand we are all dead. Like – oh wow, look at me – dead. Yeah, so those big fat salties tears – I don’t want a bar of it you selfish git, , this isn’t the “You” show.