Things that are…

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  1. Realizing you can’t fit your carry on the plane, and proceeding to walk back down the aisle – to give to the flight attendants. It’s not rocket science, you obvs. made it to you seat, Stand there, wait for everyone to sit down, then run it up the front. And don’t look at me like I should move elsewhere when your bag doesn’t fit. I can’t disappear into thin air, and it’s your ambitious packing that got us here.
  2. Getting a lift home with someone you don’t know, just to avoid the nightmare that is a taxi. Didn’t you ever watch that Degrassi Jnr High episode where the guy with the obnoxious glasses hitchhiked and almost got date raped by a man. Find the cab, pay the money – don’t be such a tightarse.
  3. Going home with (semi) strangers – full stop. Sometimes I do this, and I just think it is the worst idea on the planet the next day. I go through days of neg (please refer to Em & Sids post) – and frankly, the negging out is just not worth it. If nothing happens fine – but that is sort of teasy. And if something does happen – that is just NOT OK. I mean – it is so Sex and the City circa 2002 – and in my books that is just not sassy, it’s tacky. Take me for dinner – woo me with a few drinks, over multiple evenings. One night wonders… NOT OK.
  4. Leaving your favorite pair of sunglasses at a friends house – and then getting an (almost) ransom picture from said person wearing them (styled by me, for privacy sake..) – with no offer to return.. NOT OK.
  5. Being asked questions that people know the answer to, or have access to the answers to – but out of shear laziness don’t do the research themselves. Why waste my time and YOURS by bothering me..? Makes no sense, and.. is NOT OK.
  6. Wearing cut offs when you have big legs – I think I have big legs and I will never wear cut offs – so fat girls united – don’t do it because skinny girls at music festivals look cool that way. Buy the maxi dress – you will do everyone a favor – including yourselves.. Probs.
  7. Train driver caps on old women – personally I think train driver caps on anyone are not ok – but those floppy ones that you typically see on old women with ciggies in one hand, a whiskey in the other, tight pleather pants, a singlet top and a leather train driver hat (if you were out with me on my last night in TX – you know what I’m talking about)
  8. After 5 days of non-stop drinking and no sleeping, having to catch a 6A flight (after 2 hours of sleep) – to then arrive into your destination, and go straight to work. Did I mention the 40’F weather difference.. NOT OK.
  9. Losing your voice to the husk which was intended, on the first day of a major binge drinking session. This is sort of fine – because I probably sound a bit babe worthy/ phone sexy – but when you come into work and your boss gives you shit for your lack of control.. this is not ok.
  10. Heading to a new city – and getting ignored by people due to lack of planning and/or lack of caring. This is like totally fine – if everyone is on the same page – but without the “Hey, I actually don’t think you are a cool/ nice person/ don’t like you enough to plan shit with you/ am just plain lazy/ am nuts – disclaimer AND I really don’t want to hang out with you” text/ call – this is the most frustrating thing on the planet. Call a spade a spade – be open about your motives – otherwise, your behavior is.. NOT OK.
  11. Passively aggressively venting your feelings on your blog. Having said that… most of this, I will probably say to your face. HOWEVER – if I don’t it’s because I may or may not have decided you are a waste of my time. And you have exhausted me.

End of story

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About LUCY

Femme of sass, sometimes.