- Being bald, AND growing a beard – this just isn’t right. Having no hair is OK. It’s is fine to be bald, balding or other – it’s not your fault, I would never judge you for that. But then trying to compensate your lack of head hair with a big old beard – no. This is where I will draw the line. Beards are kind of ridiculous to start with – but when you grow one WITH a bald head, you look ridiculous – and are actually drawing more attention to the fact you are bald.
- A-Frame hugging: Ugh – listen, I’m not the biggest hugger – I feel like it is over used, much like the constant need to validate others. Hugging has lost it’s special’ness – so please, when you do hug someone – give them a proper fucking hug. A-Frame hugging is for arseholes who want to appear a certain way when it obviously makes them uncomfortable. If you don’t want to hug your mate – don’t hug them. That is pretty simple. Don’t give them a piss poor hug because you think you should. High fives are entirely appropriate among friends – try that out.
- Sunglasses on the train, or anywhere inside really – I have covered this one thousand times – it is not sunny on the train, it is not sunny indoors – take off the sunglasses. As their name suggests they are for places with sun.
- People walking their dogs loosely – pet owner, you own the pet – not the sidewalk. Keep it dialed in a bit. I pay taxes, I own the same amount of this sidewalk as your do. Stop being obnoxious with your terrifying looking animal and keep it on a tight leash.
- And in that vein – slow walkers who take up the whole sidewalk – how I despise you. Seriously. get the fuck out of my way – you want to leisurely stroll, keep to the slow side of the street (left in Australia, right pretty much everywhere else) – it’s only common courtesy. I don’t care that it’s a Sunday, or if it’s just “that sort of a day” – stop being such a selfish prick – some people have shit to do. MOVE.
- Tag lines that are not correct, like “Trusted friends who know the law” (on a billboard). Firstly: I don’t know you, man on the billboard – therefor you are not my friend. Secondly: you look like a creep – so I doubt I would ever trust you. Thirdly: do trusted lawyers really have billboard advertisements in the Tenderloin – I mean, who are you really speaking to advertising (one) and in the Tenderloin (two).
- Realizing you cannot fit your carry-on on the plane, once you get to your seat – and proceeding to walk back down the aisle to give to a flight attendant.. Seriously? This is not rocket science – you made it to your seat, hang out there – wait for everyone to get to their seats, THEN run it to the front of the plane. Don’t look at me like I should move elsewhere from the aisle when YOUR bag doesn’t. I actually can’t disappear into thin air, and it was your ambitious packing that got us awkwardly rubbing up against each other on the plane – arsehole.
- Getting a lift home with someone you don’t know, just to avoid the nightmare that is a taxi – this one I have done. This one is not OK. It ended up being OK – but it is not OK. At all. Things you should never do as a single female – get a lift home with strangers. I think that sometimes maybe I think I am like Jesus – and I like wont get hurt, but let me tell you – you are not Jesus. Not even Kanye is Jesus – OK? So don’t be getting lifts home with strangers. Didn’t you ever watch that Degrassi Junior High episode where the guy with the obnoxious glasses hitch hiked and almost go date raped by a man…?! Find the cab, pay the money.
Listen carefully.. None of this is OK