The Part Time Boyfriend – American Edition

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part-time (adj) \ˈpärt-ˈtīm\ : involving or working less than customary or standard hour.
boyfriend (noun) \ˈboi-ˌfrend\ : a  frequent or regular male companion in a romantic or sexual relationship.

So it has been decided. I am recruiting for a part-time boyfriend.. I have actually got quite a bit of flack for this, which is sort of annoying.. I mean why can’t I want a part-time boyfriend..? I don’t have time for a full time boyfriend, I hate going on awkward first dates but like going out for dinner sometimes, and I want someone to think I’m more special than others. NOT THAT FUCKING HARD.. Or is it..?

I’m not even sure why I get flack for this.. I mean it’s not like I want several part-time boyfriends.. Just one. I can’t do the American thing of dating more than one person at a time, too confusing. And we really don’t ‘date’ in Australia so I find the whole process rather awkward.

How it works in the motherland is:

  1. you meet someone through mates
  2. get drunk
  3. have a bit of a kiss in the corner of some bar (possibly venture home with said gentleman/ female – pending alcohol consumption)
  4. repeat the next weekend
  5. maybe get a drink on a Friday
  6. have a sleep over
  7. and now you are dating/ boyfriend/ girlfriend.

How I am finding it is supported in the US (San Francisco specific):

  1. meet someone at a bar/ or if you are technologically inclined – on the www
  2. go on a date
  3. go on another date
  4. have a sneaky kiss
  5. go on a date
  6. get bored
  7. stop calling/ messaging

Not that I want to be speedy and get married and have babies – because I don’t; but far out, wanna draw out the process a bit..? Can’t we stop with awkward one-on-one dinners and get drunk together. Can I please have more than 2 drinks over dinner – because it’s been a fucking long day, and really I don’t want to sit here like I am being interview – I want a vodka soda, and I probably want a few of them. Don’t judge me – I don’t have a problem, you have the problem.. Arsehole.

And really – let’s be honest, I don’t want to take you upstairs and have my way with you right away/ this second, but what’s wrong with it if I did. There is nothing wrong with that – so why all the rules. All these judgey dating rules. Maybe no one follows them but everyone quotes them – what I have got so far, and have majorly failed on to date is:

  1. 2 drink limit on the first date
  2. no sleep overs until the 4th’ish date
  3. only one drink after dinner if you go to a bar
  4. don’t initiate texting – ever

I have a problem with these because:

  1. All I want to do on a first date is drink away the awkward.
  2. If I follow the point above, then point two becomes null/ defunct
  3. one drink is like an extra 25m of conversation – if you are having a great time and want to get a drink after dinner – why limit yourself to only 25m..?
  4. If I want to text you, I want to text you. In the same vein is calling. Maybe I’m weird – maybe I like talking to people, but frankly – if you don’t want to hear from me – then this probably isn’t a good idea..

My answer to this – a Part-Time Boyfriend. I don’t want to go round dating trying to find the perfect person to spend most of my living and breathing time with. I just want to find someone who is fun, likes to do cool shit – and only wants to hang out a couple of times a week.

And the thing is I really don’t want to have to answer to someone as to where I am, what I am doing, how my days was – unless I really want to, and to be Anne Frank that level of commitment is not in my vocabulary – at all.

What I want is:

  1. someone to take me to dinner
  2. someone to think I’m pretty – infrequently, but often enough that I feel special
  3. someone to go to concerts with, when I have tickets
  4. someone to take to events so that coupled up people don’t pity the single person status I’ve been happily holding

Maybe I’m a shallow bitch that really just wants a almost boyfriend for all the wrong reasons – but doesn’t everyone..? I mean come on – no one thinks they want a mate so that they have a BFF all the time, everywhere they go – that develops. People want a boyfriend for how it makes them feel/ look.

So, be open and honest with me – and embrace the PTB.


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About LUCY

Femme of sass, sometimes.