The Motherland is Calling – this Friday. Hallo?


This Friday – I am getting on a United flight back to the Motherland (Australia). Things I am not excited about – the 16 hour flight without free booze. Things I could just about spew from excitement about – going home, FOR-THREE-WEEKS.

I’m kind of like majorly pumped about it being summer – which I know blows most of your minds, but frankly is what is up. Summer during the holiday season is fucking GOLD. Present shopping, catching up with friends, drinks outside > that is all meant to be done in the heat – that my friends is 100% Christmas.

Lobster (crayfish) also equals Christmas. Seafood for Christmas is the business – and not herring or any of that stuff you Scandi’s eat – but full blown shrimp on the barbie (but not, because it doesn’t go on the BBQ at our house).

My Australian To Do List looks much like this:

  1. Swim most days – necessary. There are no pools in San Francisco which are easily accessible. There is no hot weather in San Francisco which makes this activity enjoyable. I am going to swim laps until my skin wrinkles, and I’m going to like it.
  2. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Things you may or may not know about Melbourne (where I am from) is that they have good coffee. It’s like pure heaven, and a pure heaven I miss. None of these arsehole barrista’s that I experience in the US where they think they made up coffee. Just nice people who understand what I want when I say strong latte, and make it with a fucking smile.
  3. Boys – I am home for 3 weeks. I feel like this might just be enough time for a summer romance. I am hoping it looks much like a Natalie Portman romantic comedy – and my mate for the occasional roll around is similar to Ashton Kutcher. I’m a bridesmaid in a wedding – if that doesn’t get me at least a cheeky pash – I don’t know what will.
  4. Food purchased by Parental units – this is happening, like all the time. The one thing that sucks about living overseas is that you pay for everything. Want to go on a holiday? – that’s on me. Want to eat a good meal – that’s on me. Need/ want a new pair of shoes for work – that’s on me. Not that these wouldn’t mostly be on me in Australia – but sometimes they wouldn’t be, and I miss that. I miss parents – who take care of you 23% of the time. I want to have that 23%.
  5. Getaways to wine country – my family lives near the wine area of Victoria. I am going to ABUSE the shit out of that locale. And just wine my face off. Morning, noon and night. I am so ready for the lady of regional leisure status – like 6 months ago.
  6. Tuning out the mobile device – I use my phone a lot. It’s kind of pathetic. The nice thing about going home, is I end up on the most basic of phone bills, with the most hipster phone you would every encounter. I literally have no use for the thing, apart from to phone home RE: some stupid thing I just did and feel like my mum will care about. Or to sext a friend to catch up. I’m dreading the no phone/ excited for the no phone – I know, a thrill a minute in this life I have here.
  7. Near to no clothes – pumped for this shit in general. Just to fang around in not much. I miss hot weather, and I CAN’T wait for a bit of skin on skin action. By way of few clothes, on the reg.

I am officially open to suggestions to grow this list, like OFFICIALLY. 3 weeks in Melbourne, on quite the spendless budget..



About LUCY

Femme of sass, sometimes.