Notes on the male species – San Francisco specific


Ok – so, this might be a bit of a rant. And I am sorry for that – but things need to be said; general men things need to be addressed.

I have lived in this fair city for 3 years now, and although this isn’t a long time for you “San Franciscians” (whatever that means – please, don’t get on your soap box because you are from here, it is “transplants” like me – who make you look good. dick) However I feel that three years is long enough to feel like I have the lay of the land with your men.

Now – we have a few problems before we even start, because I really might end up looking like a fucking retard. One of those effortlessly UNcool people, when up until now – I feel like I have represented myself quite well as a (reasonably) easy go lucky femme of sass. This is a true representation. The girl crazy that is about to come out, is not because I am a crazy girl – I am the last person (these days, when I was younger – completely different story) to get crazy girl on you. But SF men – YOU HAVE BROUGHT THIS UPON YOURSELVES.

I don’t even know how to start this without sounding disjointed, so I’m just going to go.

I have been out with a few types here – and you guys fucking blow my mind. Let’s start by saying – I am not ugly, I have an accent, and I am not fat. Sometimes chubby – but never fat. So when I am at a bar, it shouldn’t be hard to have conversations with people who aren’t bro’s. It is. Because San Francisco men, are completely asexual, unless you are a bro. And then you are a bro – and I don’t want to date you, ever.

When I say “bro”, I loosely mean:

  1. You use a cheesy pick up line
  2. put too much shit in your hair
  3. almost force me to accept a drink from you, when I have said no – and THEN get offended when I am like “Ok thanks, peace” and try and get rid of you
  4. stereotype me – because that doesn’t seem rude at all to assume I only drink fosters and have a pet kangaroo, dick.

So when you are not all of the above, you are usually what most lovingly refer to as a hipster (total generalization – but for the sake of this, these are our definitions). The amount of times I have gone into an establishment like Pop’s or Theives or Uptown and seen you, and not had a conversation is astounding.

I mean – I have tried. I have even whored out my charming accent to try and get you to take interest in me.. But you don’t. You just sit there with you male mates, and talk about how ironic things are, or about music or your job, or a band you want to start, or how you are trying to get off the grid and out of the social networks…! Hello? Real life scenario – with a reasonably attractive female is presenting itself and you want to talk about social networks with guys you see every fucking day? – Seriously?

I mean what I don’t get San Francisco – is why wouldn’t you just be like “Hey” like nice normal people. Normal people say hey, they say things like “sorry did you need to get to the bar, let me move for you… no that’s ok we have our drinks. Where are you from…” and that is how you meet people.

To move on from here – once you get the date with the nice hipster guy, who if you are lucky – has a nice job, and is financially stable. SIDE NOTE – don’t read this wrong, I don’t want you financially stable so you can pay for all MY shit and I get a free ride. I want you to be financially stable so you can pay for your shit, and I am not giving you a free ride. I don’t believe chivalry is dead – but I do believe in equality – so let’s share a burden in the financial sense. If I am poor that week because rent is due and I haven’t managed my funds – it’s on you. Otherwise, sometimes – I want to pay. Novel, I know.

OK – so what was I saying..? Oh yes – dates. So you go on a few dates with guys from San Francisco, and then silence. Not like “hey, I’m super busy at the moment blah” not “hey, I actually met someone else and I like her more than you” not “you’re a dick, I never want to see you again” – just silence. Perhaps its because I am a communicator, but this is not ok. Fading people out, is not ok. Make something up, which is almost the truth, but not as scathing, for example:

  1. Hey babe, I’m crazy busy at work, and I just don’t have the time to really give this the attention it deserves
  2. I met someone else, and I don’t like seeing more than one person at a time
  3. I’m not interested in a girlfriend right now – and it’s not fair to you to string this out
  4. I’m moving to Africa (I – Lucy – have done this one, with an old house mate, YES I AM A COWARD ALSO!)

The issue with fading people out is that you don’t know what you have done wrong. You question yourself, your feelings are hurt – and you will call/ text for longer than you ever would have if you (the Y chromosome) had just said – “Hey, thanks but no thanks”

I mean – someone wrote a book about this shit. Someone SHOULDN’T HAVE HAD TO WRITE A BOOK ABOUT THIS. He’s just not that into you?? REALLY? YOU FUCKING SMUG ARSEHOLE! I mean fuck – way to give the guys an out. It’s almost expected that I should know that he is just not that into me with zero communication on the topic, because it is now a thing. This shouldn’t be a thing.

Other times you will meet a guy, you are not even really friends with him – might want to be, but don’t want to date him – and you get the silent treatment. The fade out. This pisses me off on many levels. One because I like new people, I like to meet new people. IT IS GOOD MEETING NEW PEOPLE! However in these sorts of mateships – it goes from multiple text messages to.. nothing. Which makes me wonder – do you think that I want to jump your bones..? I don’t know you – we are friends on Facebook, but I don’t know you. And for that matter you don’t know me – so armed with the little info you have, how can you determine you don’t want to be my mate, in the friendly way?

And sorry – if you don’t want to be my mate – then why are we friends on Facebook? WHY DID YOU ADD ME ON FACEBOOK? I wasn’t even going to accept you, and I did. Why – I don’t know, maybe because I thought we could be mates. Now I just feel like a silly girl. Which is kind of fucked – because we have NEVER METTTTTTTTTTTTT!

In all of this, I am tempted to write to people/ call them and just say “hey – if we aren’t doing this anymore – let’s determine that, because time is short – and contrary to popular belief, I don’t like feeling like there is something wrong with me.” I mean do you not even respect my time enough to have a 2 min conversation about how this is just not happening anymore?

However – if I do this, I seem crazy. Yes, I – SEEM – CRAZY. How is that even possible, for me to seem crazy by wanting information about what is happening at that moment with a relationship I am having. And when I say relationship – I don’t mean bf/gf relationship – I just mean relationship on a very surface level.

At some point – I feel like I have to just submit myself to the passive aggressive way of San Francisco dating – because obviously, I am the weird one. Obviously this works for others. And maybe this rant will be a nice way of getting it off my chest and then accepting life in the SF dating lane. Maybe it will work out. Maybe I will online date – and think that is great. Because who does things organically anymore, unless it’s food or yoga – I mean to meet people organically is just so inefficient, it’s almost laughably naive “ah to meet someone without viewing their profile, and sizing them up superficially”…

Things that arise for me from this is – am I really that weird? This is really needy? If this happens often – is there something wrong with me? Am I the missing link in this scenario, where I just need to lie back and think of England (so to speak). I am not sure that I am. I actually think that San Francisco men, are retarded.

Rant over – sorry for the length and girthy nature.


About LUCY

Femme of sass, sometimes.