This is Blondtron, meet her… Right now.


You’ve met Blondtron, just this last month she brought us all numbers of knowledge on how to safely roll with strangers. When she isn’t making music with a beat you can dance to, twerking upside down in dark/ sexy nightclubs or generally causing a ruckus – I imagine she is perfecting how to peel an apple in one peel, practicing a New Jersey accent and thinking about starting a blog dedicated to vintage Meryl Streep – because she is actually the most beautiful being on the planet earth.

As old mate is going to become more of a regular feature on Lucy vs. the Globe we figured we get to know the femme of Canadian sass a bit better, through a 10 question interview. Like usual it’s full of nonsense with shades of brilliance.

Say: hallo Blondtron.

LUCY: If you were a cocktail, what would you be/ why?
BLONDTRON: I always drink vodka sodas when I’m DJing because I’m old as a fucking California Redwood and learned how to party but if I could be any cocktail I’d probably be a Moscow mule. Just a bit spicy from the ginger and totally fucking delicious.

LUCY: It’s your birthday (happy birthday), you can invite any 3 people to dinner and they will actually come, who do you invite?
BLONDTRON: My vagina would invite: Paul Rudd, Jon Hamm, Josh Homme and Tom Hardy.

My rest of me would invite: Louis CK, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Jerry Seinfeld, Larry David, Naomi Wolfe, Commander Chris Hadfield, Neil Degrasse Tyson and Missy Elliot.


LUCY: It’s the year 2040 – what do you hope is a reality?.. I’m still gunning for teleportation, and that the whole world doesn’t catch on fire like everyone is telling me it will in 2047. That’s actually making me super anxious right now.

BLONDTRON: I don’t want the whole world to burn down but I totally wouldn’t be mad at some sort of cataclysmic disaster. I love human connection and realness and am totally in the wrong profession for it but I also feel like we as people pendulum from togetherness and dedication to a higher cause to total singularity and selfishness. I think right now we are nearing the apex of the latter and it bums me out.

If you really think about it this is the first time in history that there has been peace and democracy for this length of time, besides gay rights, racism and women’s rights which are still in the midst of a very important journey we are very, very fortunate to have the rights and laws we have. Sadly this has made us entitled and that means taking for granted what previous generations fought so hard for.

It’s not that I want something bad to happen to anyone or anything but I try to make a point of saying hi to people and telling them how I feel and I more often than not feel like a fucking leper {unless I’m with a dog in which case people that I’ve been saying hi to in my neighbourhood for 2 years actually look me in the eye).

I grew up on a small island that often didn’t have power, in a community that helped their neighbours with firewood, with a family that knew how to just make it work and have fun no matter what and I think sometimes I yearn for that simplicity and connection. Taking care of yourself and your people and looking out for each other and being strong is what makes us, us .

I kind of wish there would be something that brought people together. That weeded out the fucktards or at least gave them a serious wake-up call. I’m not necessarily a survivalist but I love living well at festivals and if all my power and water and everything went to shit tomorrow I’d be totally fucking fine. I have food, water, a westfalia, a generator and a bunch of really good people. That’s all I need.

I hope the future is amazing, I hope I can go to space and that I have a huge radical family and live on a commune with all my best friends but mostly I hope that we start to find each other and our connection to everything again, no matter what that takes.

LUCY: Weapon of choice?.. and why?
BLONDTRON: Bow and Arrow, timeless, quiet, reusable and I’m a pretty decent shot.

LUCY: Would you prefer to fight 100 duck size horses OR 1 horse sized duck? Discuss.
BLONDTRON: Well there is no chance I could fight a duck sized horse. I would just let them devour me with their cuteness. A horse sized duck on the otherhand kind of like the man sized chicken peter fights on family guy, that sounds like a worthy adversary.

LUCY: If one song had to sum up your life to date – what would it be and why?

LUCY: Who is your spirit animal/ why? Mine is Nicholas Cage.
BLONDTRON: Wesley Snipes in Demolition Man but also this dog:


LUCY: What’s your musical guilty pleasure?.. currently I’m super guilty of Beyonce, a lot of Beyonce…. Like at least once a day Beyonce.
BLONDTRON: Bluegrass. Can’t get enough of it. Listening to my dad play bluegrass.

LUCY: You can only drink water and one other drink for the REST OF YOUR LIVE – what’s the other beverage?

LUCY: Tell us something you deem relevant.
BLONDTRON: GRAMMAR. You don’t have to be perfect, lord knows I’m not, but TRY.



About LUCY

Femme of sass, sometimes.