Ok – so this shouldn’t be this difficult. Seriously. There are a certain set of rules that should be followed daily – and then, voila – you are officially not a dickhead. However, I am finding on a day to day basis – people are just not playing by my very simple set of rules, see below:

1. Don’t talk about the joy’s of social media in groups. This means – don’t tell me about the tweet up you attended, don’t explain the advantages of four square, lets not compare friends on Facebook.
2. hiking boots are not okay as regular shoes. They are called hiking boots – because you are supposed to be hiking in them – not regular day wearing in them. stick with VANS, or some sick high tops – even toms are better than these.
3. Also – and this is a no brainer, and still on the theme of footwear – don’t wear pointy leather numbers, which are any sort of animal product (more specifically – alligator, crocodile, snake etc.) this is so circa 2000 – move on, you look like a sleeze.
4. Shoes (again, I’m sorry – but shoes are sort a big deal) no running shoes with jeans (actual running shoes, like your Asics or Adidas) – you look like Seinfield.
5. Don’t wear sunglasses inside, on the train, or anywhere where there are electrical lights. Sunglasses are to shade you from the sun, not man made light.
6. Don’t wear sunglasses at night – I don’t care if you were at a festival all day – you’ve had one too many elicit substances, and you forget they were on your face. This is not ok. This is not okay at bars, on the street waiting for a cab (after the bar), or at an after hours. You look like a fucking wanker, rather than Jay-Z. I know you think you look like Jay-Z, but you know what – that is not Beyonce on your arm, and you are a nobody. So take off the shades.
7. Those 5 toes shoes – the wet suit ones. Don’t wear them. There are multiple reasons for this – but to break it down marginally, you look like a dick, they stink because you can’t wear socks with them, and lastly we are (obviously) not snorkeling on the Great Barrier Reef.

This list will likely expand – but off the top of my head, that is what I have. Pretty simple team.

Don’t let me down.