How to.. be Lucy’s Mate

1. Be a good listener – meaning: enjoy listening to long stories, about nothing much in particular – with the same enthusiasm as if the story was actually good
2. If a boy – wear swim shorts that are above the knee
3. If a girl – no blond ‘stripes’ through your hair
4. Hold my beer when I ask
5. Hold my bag when I ask – even if it emasculates you – just do it.
6. Do delete photos I think I look shit in
7. Tell me if my fly is undone – through sign, so that you don’t embarrass me in public
8. Same goes with stuff in my teeth/ on my face
9. Don’t calculate the splitting of bills – it comes back, and dealing with cash is awkward
10. If a guy – let me pay for things, it makes me feel uncomfortable to be paid for
11. Let me choose the music  – unless yours is exceptionally good
12. Don’t make fun of my accent more than 3 times in the one day
13. Do borrow my clothes – I like to share (girls only)
14. Let me like vampires – I can’t help it.
15. Don’t tempt me to do other things – when I say I’m going to spin class
16. Do let me cook you breakfast – for breakfast, lunch or dinner
17. Don’t flake on me – we made plans.
18. Call me to say hi – it’s nice getting calls
19. Answer my text messages
20. Don’t wear purple
21. Homie jeans – not allowed
22. Ed Hardy – not allowed
23. Fake tan – not allowed
24. Just don’t be Jersey Shores
25. Don’t try and make me dance unless I am a bit tiddley
26. Do come with me to the Bali house when you are invited
27. Don’t fuck up any of these rules (or else you’re dumped)


About LUCY

Femme of sass, sometimes.