How to.. be Lucy’s Mate

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1. Be a good listener – meaning: enjoy listening to long stories, about nothing much in particular – with the same enthusiasm as if the story was actually good
2. If a boy – wear swim shorts that are above the knee
3. If a girl – no blond ‘stripes’ through your hair
4. Hold my beer when I ask
5. Hold my bag when I ask – even if it emasculates you – just do it.
6. Do delete photos I think I look shit in
7. Tell me if my fly is undone – through sign, so that you don’t embarrass me in public
8. Same goes with stuff in my teeth/ on my face
9. Don’t calculate the splitting of bills – it comes back, and dealing with cash is awkward
10. If a guy – let me pay for things, it makes me feel uncomfortable to be paid for
11. Let me choose the music  – unless yours is exceptionally good
12. Don’t make fun of my accent more than 3 times in the one day
13. Do borrow my clothes – I like to share (girls only)
14. Let me like vampires – I can’t help it.
15. Don’t tempt me to do other things – when I say I’m going to spin class
16. Do let me cook you breakfast – for breakfast, lunch or dinner
17. Don’t flake on me – we made plans.
18. Call me to say hi – it’s nice getting calls
19. Answer my text messages
20. Don’t wear purple
21. Homie jeans – not allowed
22. Ed Hardy – not allowed
23. Fake tan – not allowed
24. Just don’t be Jersey Shores
25. Don’t try and make me dance unless I am a bit tiddley
26. Do come with me to the Bali house when you are invited
27. Don’t fuck up any of these rules (or else you’re dumped)

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About LUCY

Femme of sass, sometimes.