How to be a good German


I have officially been in the great nation that is Germany for over a month. Having just glanced through my iPhones notes section – it seems I have made enough assessments to judge the adopted motherland, with authority.

  1. People of my age group have no rights. Babies and the elderly rule the world here, and if you don’t like it – get out. The only time in which my age group, or those that would fall within the young adult/ late 20’s range have any say – is if they are with child or have had children – GERMANS ARE ALL ABOUT PROCREATION!
  2. German femmes love wearing a neat necklace over a collared shirt. The collared shirt needs to be done up all the way – much like how some of our mates in LA wear their collared shirts, but with a German vibe.
  3. A glass of wine cost 2,90€ – I’ll have 4, please.
  4. In general the people LOVE a clever sock with sandals, or a stocking stock with an open toe shoe. I don’t know where they read that it is/ was a good idea – but it causes me much the same angst as the toe shoes sweeping America.
  5. Nothing beats a piece of aged meat at breakfast.. Actually some varieties of fish with a creamy dressing might trump a cured meat, but in general it is a land of meat and bread.
  6. Bratwurst can be used in almost anything – curries, soups, sandwiches. You name it – feel free to add sausage to it. It would be un-German not to.
  7. Ice cream can and will be consumed at any hour of any day, in ANY weather condition. It’s just science – the Germans love the ice cream
  8. Both men and women alike love a skinny leg pant, with a baggy crotch. I can’t figure this fashion movement out just yet. But feel it’s likely an influence of both I Dream of Jeannie, and MC HAMMER. To me it looks like most have poop’ed their pants – but let’s touch base in 6-8 months to assess.
  9. German females gracing the streets (almost anywhere) can get behind an over sized scarf, in most climates. This I can get on board. It makes you look skinny by default and allows you to wear pretty beige (meaning boring) clothes and have epic neckwear – one word, thrifty living.
  10. This is a race of procreators. Every good German has a baby. And honestly – why wouldn’t you procreate when the kids turn out so god damn cute. From this point on – if Germans do nothing noteable in life – it can be said that they should win awards for their ability to pop out divine looking children.
  11. I have been told that the above phenomenon is due to the fact that Germans love a good roll around – at this stage I’m not really an authority. But perhaps it should be noted.

One month in – 11 solid points. Watch this space.


About LUCY

Femme of sass, sometimes.