Since mid-December I have been making notes on my iPhone about things I would like to change about myself and other people in order to make a small difference for the better. Personally, I’m exhausted by New Year’s resolutions that are too large to maintain. We aren’t Gods, not everyone can be a hero when it comes to discipline. So I’m keeping it simple stupid with a list of things that would change most peoples lives for the better, and are not so complicated to enforce.
DO: TAKE ON ONE DRY MONTH OF THE YEAR.
Personally I vote you get this out of the way in February, for a few reasons –
- It’s already dark and miserable, may as well really hate yourself.
- It’s the shortest month of the year, those 3 days really make the difference.
- You may find it provides the adequate respite from the December & January over spend/ over eating situation.
DO: LEARN HOW TO FOLD FITTED SHEETS REALLY WELL.
I didn’t even realise there was a trick to folding fitted sheets so that they looked square. I honestly just thought you sort of rolled them on themselves and stuffed them in a cupboard.
My friend Sarah is a genius folder, sometimes she folds my sheets and I can’t tell what is a fitted sheet and what is a doona cover – IT’S REMARKABLE. I feel like this is one to be filed under the skill section of your C.V.
STOP: BINGE DRINKING LIKE A TEENAGER.
Binge drinking is not 2016. 2016 is all about being a fabulous drinker, who has fun – but doesn’t get tired eyes or falls off her bike. Probably this “STOP:” should also apply to drunk bike riding but pick your battles.
DO: THINK MORE POSITIVELY, IN GENERAL – MORE FREQUENTLY.
Why are we all so negative all the time? Why do we have to shut things down before they start? I do this constantly, I know because my mother made sure to tell me when I visited home this Christmas. So, 2016 – I’m going to open up my mind/ self/ whatever to all the experiences, thoughts and ideas… Even if they are ridiculous.
I will hate this… and we are already off to a good start :-\
STOP: BEING SCARED OF THE CONCEPT: “FOREVER ALONE”.
After conversations with people here and there, I’ve realised single people of the world are casually terrified of being forever alone – please don’t be terrified. For a couple of reasons:
- probably you won’t stay that way.
- worrying about it gets you no where.
What’s the point in getting stressed that you will end up with 3 cats, a permanently leaky tap and an unlimited subscription to “Cooking for One” the magazine. If that’s your future – I’m sorry to say, stressing out about it won’t edit its course.
DO: FOOD SHOP ANYWHERE BUT THE EDEKA AT THE CORNER OF WESERSTR./ FULDASTR.
OK – so that’s pretty specific to me. So maybe read this one as “Food shop anywhere BUT that really expensive supermarket which is totally convenient but costs the earth and walk an extra 5 minutes to the more affordable one” however I just don’t think that’s as catchy as our current headline.
Probably you have a store like this, all I have to do is look at the Edeka at Weser/ Fulda and I spend at least 30€. Walk to your neighbourhood’s version of Kaufland and spend responsibly. Better yet – GO TO A FOOD MARKET. If only the Turkish Market’s New Year’s resolution would be to get going before 11A, we would all benefit :-\
STOP: FALLING INTO FOOD TRENDS.
Fancy fries? Gimicky ice cream? Stop. When did we become such glutenous piglets – eat like a real person and stop ruining the culinary experience for all of us.
DO: SAVE A LITTLE BIT OF MON€Y EACH MONTH.
Oh god, how boring. But seriously – there is nothing more unattractive than living month-to-month. It doesn’t have to be a lot, start with 25€. After 4 months, you’ll have 100 ! …hmm, which really isn’t much, but after 40 months you’ll have 1000 ! Oh god, that’s even worse. But still, better than nothing.
STOP: USING PHRASES SUCH AS LEL OR RN.
I need to get the Instagram sensation @instachaaz to draw me a graph of: How time poor are you? vs. How much of a dickhead you are. To adequately communicate the in’s and out’s of using phrases such as a lel rn etc.
DO: TELL PEOPLE YOU THINK THEY DID A GOOD JOB/ ARE NICE PEOPLE (WHEN DESERVED).
And don’t be smug/ condescending about it – but generally tell people they did something good. People never hear nice things anymore, they just self loath and quietly stalk their ex’s on Instagram. Be nice, give credit where credit’s due. And if credit’s not due, then shut your mouth. We want to encourage good behaviour, not regular behaviour for the sake of feeling good about yourself (as the compliment giver).