Dear anyone that looks like circa 1998 Leonardo DiCaprio…

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Dear Men From Around the Globe,

Do you look like this picture? Do you wear your cap backwards, rock a comfy looking plain black slightly over-sized jumper and look into a camera with this interested but not overly-excited gaze? Date me.

I don’t mean to be so forward, but seriously – Leonardo DiCaprio in the 90’s  is my dream man of the now. Fuck muscles, deep v’s and prints.. Can you all just look like New York’s version of White Men Can’t Jump.

Please understand, I don’t want you to be the LA version of White Men Can’t Jump ie: tie-dye, sunshine colours and over-sized singlets. I specifically say NEW YORK (even thought that version of the movie doesn’t exist)  because I want to see knits, dark colours and a brooding attitude that the West Coast can’t really muster.

The reason I’ve got thinking on this – is that right now/ this time of the year you start to see people dress like actually people. Autumn is where all the good clothes live. Hats, scarves, between season jackets – it’s the time when clothes really shine. And, gentlemen, if you pick that shit properly – you will really shine with it.

In my attempt to cultivate the perfect line of human, here are the list of things to think about and (ultimately) wear this winter/ autumn….

Even though the autumn part is probably over.

 

Over-sized knits – MEN, hear me: I don’t mean a massive dress type knit. I just mean a knit, slightly bigger than normal. Please be a aware of how it feels to touch, because not real fabric looks cheap, alien’ly shiny and feel gross.. Femmes don’t want to be near that. EXAMPLE

Good socks – OK, so when it’s frigidly cold, maybe this isn’t a thing. But when it’s not, I’m of the view your pants should be slightly rolled and your cool socks should be slightly showing. There is really nothing better than a guy that wears nice, non-offensive clothes and then has well planned socks. It shows personality, it gives a level of depth, and it really highlights the fact you like details. There are two types of guys (in my humble opinion)

  1. Guys that like details – like socks.
  2. Guys that like details – like muscles.

I don’t want to do anything much with muscle detail guy – you’re most likely self involved, I don’t want to compete for that sort of attention. EXAMPLE

A backpack – This one is an all seasons item. But it’s particularly strong in winter, for the simple reason a handbag looks silly with my fuck-off-winter-jacket and likely I will need you to carry my wallet because it’s not fitting in my pockets. EXAMPLE

Semi-thick knit beanie – These thin droopy beanies that fall off the back of your head like Justin Bobby from the Hills? This isn’t a thing. This is what un-imaginative femmes wear. It’s much like guys in deep v’s and neon colours. There aren’t practical, it’s annoying watching you having to readjust your style every 15-25 minutes and they for sure aren’t keeping your head warm. There is nothing more unattractive than a guy who wears clothes that don’t serve their purpose. EXAMPLE

A scarf – Scarfs make everyone looks better. Cosy. Wholesome. Just make sure you can wrap it around a couple of times, those skinny ones that barely cover your neck aren’t serving a purpose – and then it’s just a thing that flaps around your neck. This doesn’t sit well with me, at all. EXAMPLE

Zip-up quilted puffy’ish vest – You know like those woodsy guys wear from the convoy tumblr. SWOON all over the place. Not only are they warm, they make you look nice. They will also make you look like you can light a fire in the forest with only two pieces of wood and a bit of patience. God knows we are all looking for that guy… BE THAT GUY. EXAMPLE

 

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About LUCY

Femme of sass, sometimes.