COLOGNE/ KÖLN: our top 8 observations

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Lucy vs. the Globe went on tour to Cologne at the end of 2014 – for a couple of really good reasons.

  1. It was Christmas Market Zeit !
  2. There was a cool disco party
  3. Travel was cheap (Berlin – Cologne return, by PLANE: 85€ ..!)

As a result of this tour, we made a list of cultural and entirely superficial observations. These points aren’t entirely statements of fact (so don’t get your knickers in a twist if they happen to offend you), rather 8’ish observations from three sort-of traveled Australian femmes… living in Berlin.

Side note: I think I’ll be back in summer.

EYE CONTACT GAME IS STRONG
The moment you walk into a bar eyes are on you. I don’t know if this may have been because we looked different (read: less happy, slightly moody, all in black) but good people of Cologne are just busting to meet you. They want to high five their eyes with your eyes, and probably buy you a drink. Hey mate !

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PEOPLE TAKE PRIDE IN THEIR WEARS
People dress up, not necessarily super well – but up. High heels are a thing, shirts on dudes are a thing – no one is wearing fine wool tracksuit pants and simple grey t-shirt, no one is looking like they just rolled outta bed in an oversized dress coat and doc martins. People are dressed, in slightly a metro fashion –  but totally dressed.

FEELS LIKE FOOTBALL SEASON, ERRYDAY
People of Cologne are a rowdy bunch of humans. Really – it’s like there is a big football game on everyday and they are just BUSTING to get there. They are happy, noisy humans. I get it, we are from Berlin where people often hate life – and it could be that all these happy humans is grossly influenced by the fact we spent a rather large portion of time drinking glüwein and loving ourselves sick at Christmas Markets but the vibes were nuts and a bit nice. Kind of me like the Irish.

KÖLN IS PRETTY UGLY
No offense, Cologne – but you ain’t no pretty picture. I’m sure this has a lot to do with the second World War, and the fact that the whole city had to be had to rebuilt – but that won’t give it a “sympathy fuck” so to speak. With it’s shiny happy people and it’s 1950’s architecture, Cologne feels more like Australia than Germany, sort of? No, probably that’s not accurate either – but walking the streets it’s hard to put your finger on why everything feels a bit weird. This is why.

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PICK UP VIBE LIKE PARIS, BUT TALLER
I literally can’t stress this enough – COLOGNERS WANT TO MEET YOU. I think this is only a shocking realisation of any city when you come from Berlin (the most asexual place on the planet). I don’t really want to get into a dialogue about how unsexy Berlin is – but the hot tip: wanna feel a bit sexy? Cologne is only 1 hour 10 minutes by plane or 4.5 hours by train – the guys are tall, and really not that unpleasant looking.

DUDES ARE TALL
Can we cover this some more – the boys are eating their Weetbix. 6 foot+ is a pretty normal height and those are some digits we could firmly get around. It possible this is an entirely German thing – being tall. But it’s not tall like the Dutch, which is maybe a bit over the top – but tall like out of a romance novel, which makes us feel a bit dainty but not dwarf like. WIN.

KÖLN’ERS SPEAK GERMAN, CLEARLY
BLAH BLAH BLAH – I understood you ! Not really everything, but a lot – and this is FUN ! I don’t know if people of Cologne are known for being super clear at talking Hauchdeutsch Hochdeutsch (although it should be called HAUCH-deutsch, it’s how you all sound) or if we just found it to be that way, but there was no mumbling, slurring or major colloquial’ness. SUC-fucking-CESS.

SERVICE IS SLOW
Don’t be in a hurry, ever.

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About LUCY

Femme of sass, sometimes.