N.B

N.B – NoteBook.. If I have an opinion on anything – it will go here.. it is where I take notes on life and tell you what is up. Now generally this is somewhat offensive, because I’m not really a nice person. Nor am I very normal. I will bring the snob/ elitist bullshit here – and probably you will think less of me. but then, maybe like me for my honesty..? I don’t know. probably not – but I wont be censored – FREEDOM OF SPEECH (unless you are wiki-leaks – then you raped 2 swiss females and are going to jail)

Lucy vs. America – this is real life.

by Lucy on February 20, 2012

in Lucy vs. America, N.B

So – here’s the skinny. On March 1st I’m saying goodbye to San Francisco to try and find a life for myself in New York. This is long overdue – and marginally scary. I’m not going to lie – moving is kind of a trip, in the going out of your mind way.

Because I’m slightly nuts – I decided it would be a great idea to whore out my voice and promo different things across the country. AND because I’m still slightly nuts Hendrik from Poule d’Or and myself decided it would be a fun idea to do this together. So we are travelling for 5+ weeks across the United States..

One quick note on this – we haven’t met. I sort of think that he is lucky – because I went to boarding school and can tolerate anyone – even if I really don’t want to.

SO – MARCH 1 > we start in San Francisco and then we are off to: Big Sur, Los Angeles, Palm Desert, Las Vegas, Monument Valley, Tempe, New Mexico (somewhere), Marfa, Austin, Lafayette, New Orleans, Miami, Atlanta, Savannah, Charleston, North Carolina (somewhere), Washington DC, Boston, New York (watch the video below > Rude Gentleman “Sitting Lonely” feature.. Love them.)

We have gone into this trip with very little planning – so live in any of those cities, been to one? Have recommendations? I want to hear them – I’ll try anything once, possibly twice just to be sure I didn’t like it the first time round. So HIT ME.

I have also posted this to Kickstarter so that we can work on doing some really wild shit, with extra cash. If you want to get involved – give some $$. It’s actually super offensive to get you to give me (not Hendrik, he is in no way behind the vile that is begging) anything. BUT caution to the wind, things greater than myself, all that stuff. If we don’t make 1500 > we don’t see any of it. $25 gets you a poster, and I’ll likely also send you a swift tweet > fame?

GET ON BOARD. (I love you?)

Tagged as: Kickstarter, Lucy vs. America, Poule d'Or, Rude Gentlemen, Sitting Lonely, video

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Sometimes I wonder if I am invisible.

by Lucy on February 17, 2012

in N.B

I say this – not because I am sad and lonely and I want to talk about my feelings, but because seriously – sometimes I wonder if people can actually see me..

I’m pretty observant. I watch what is going on. When I’m on my bike – I’m alll over cars, I know where they are going – what they are doing before they even do because I know they don’t have the slightest idea. Indicator – what is that, do you use that at an intersection? Stop sign – gonna ignore that shit, because I’m busy, and obviously know better than town planners.

Let me just say – farrk you. Seriously, San Francisco has the WORST bunch of drivers I have ever experienced. I mean – I drive in Bali, and this is like 75% worse. I think the reason for this is that we are in a city of order and structure – and people just don’t get into it.

What drives me mental the ABSOLUTE most is when I stop at a stop sign and cars that have the right of way going one direction, go to give way to me. Do you know why this doesn’t work – because there is a car going the other direction, that ISN’T giving me way to me. Which means, I’m stopping at this stop sign until that shit is clear. Do you understand? Don’t then get frustrated by ME because I didn’t take you up on your generous offer of getting hit by another vehicle. Arsehole.

The worst is when people throw there hands up at you and huff, from inside their car (two words – gutless-wonder) because something scary happened. Farrrk you, again. Seriously – you think that was scary? Try being the person on the bike, tard-face. I can’t HELP YOU unless you help yourselves and follow the FUCKING road rules.

UGH. In exactly 2 weeks, I will be the person in the car, and not the bike – and I will probably hate all you arsehole bikers who don’t follow the rules, and as a result force all the arsehole drivers to anticipate what you are going to do. But god damn it.

GET IT TOGETHER SAN FRANCISCO – getting hit by a car, not on my bucket list.

Tagged as: bad drivers, Bikes, road rules, San Francisco

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It’s Valentines day – and you should all enjoy it.

by Lucy on February 14, 2012

in N.B

This isn’t a suggestion – it’s command. If Hallmark is going to make a global “holiday” about love – you should love someone. Commercial values rule, do as you are told.

It’s actually not hard – I don’t get why people feel so goddamn sorry for themselves on Valentines day – there are so many people to cherish/ adore on the daily.

Love that person who lives in your building who you have met like 17 times, for them to always forget you obnoxiously – because it reminds you, you are in fact a better than them on every level.
Love the call center arseholes at your health insurance for making it a 2h process to book an appointment with a doctor – because now you have a greater understanding of America’s ridiculous health care system – sort of.
Love your mum because she will probably send you flowers and sign it “anonymously” from Sean Connery – because that is who appeals to her, and “feels less like mum sent it – if I sign it from an ACTUAL person”.

Happy Valentines day – I love you, forever.

Tagged as: Lovesong, The Cure, Valentines Day

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I’ll tell you what is not OK – well thought out facial hair.

by Lucy on January 25, 2012

in N.B

Ok – so let me start by saying – I don’t hate beards. I’m not all gross about mustaches either. But “clever” facial hair – is sort of the most repulsive thing – on this planet.

I don’t even know how/ why I have such a reaction to overly assessed locks of the face but it’s straight up feral. There are a few styles that really get at me/ probably the rest of the population. So I’m going to do you boys a solid, read on.

Goaties - never ok. I don’t even think I really need to get into this – they are just not ok. Why bother shaving only half your face. What are you gaining with a tuft on your chin. At 5P > I can generally tell you are man enough to use a razor. Not being able to really grow facial hair is really the only explanation for a goatie. The goatie phenom. should only really be popular among 17 year old, as it’s the only part of their face that likely grows hair. Is having a goatie at any age over 25, like when men drive big cars..? Or wear super fancy jewels..?
Beards that only come around your jaw line (commonly refered to as the “Chin Curtain“) - This is much like the problem that I have with the Goatie – why only shave a part of your face.. I understand wanting to have some sort of artistic license – but could you perhaps get into shoes or something. I mean – girls CARE about shoes. No one cares about clever facial hair, apart from you. And frankly – you are repulsing the gen. population by cleverly only dealing with your Chin Curtains – you literally gain nothing, apart from lost time.
Mustaches that cover your lips – UGHHHHH. No. like, really no. I can dig the scruffy beard look – but the scruffy beard look actually takes quite a bit of effort to look good, because it’s neatly scruffy. And when I say neatly scruffy – it means it looks like a cartoon beard – round. If you are going to commit to facial hair that is good and proper and manly – you need to get a little American metrosexual on this > and maintain the manly. When we gaze at each other and I’m all getting dreamy on your rugged hunky man appearance – I need to see your lips > because that’s where it all starts. I don’t immediately roll around with you, there is going to be a bit of kiss > and if I can’t see your lips – how do I know they exist?
Obnoxious side burns (AKA Mutton Chops) – You know those really big ones – like Elivis had, that’s what I’m talking about – and that’s what I really don’t want to be talking about. When you rep that, I feel like maybe you should also be wearing boot cut jeans and a pair of toe shoes. And we all know how that goes.. It doesn’t. Side burns in general are so circa 2001, and obnoxious side burns did not come back with the rest of the 90′s. I’m sorry.

Lessons from this? When in doubt – don’t.

Tagged as: facial hair, facial hair types, maintenance, men, Not OK

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Pocket Contenders, everyone has at least one.

by Lucy on December 27, 2011

in N.B

Not 100% sure if this is a thing I made up, or something I heard and took a fancy to – but pocket contenders are a thing of the now. It’s kind of a nice way to tell someone/thing that you’re into it – without it all getting too intense.

As I am sort of emotionally retarded in so many ways – this term of endearment suits me. Not that I can’t be affectionate but doing so kind of makes my cheeks go pink which is frankly so embarassing, I mean it’s not even fair > as soon as I am 65% uncomfortable with the emotions, I will blush – even for the silliest things. And then on top of the blushing my stomach gets those roller coaster feelings- I mean it’s kind of nice, but not in a way that I would like to experience Jack Bauer 24.

So, as I said, pocket contenders suit me. I am kind of obsessed with 1980′s Tom Hanks – I love him now also – but 1980′s T.H was the best. With his bouffant hair, sneakers with skinny’ish jeans and athletic jumpers > he was the shit, thus making him the go-to pocket contender. If I met Tom Hanks today, I would probably want to tell him that I idolize him from the 80′s. But thats a bit weird “Hey mate – I fucking loved 1980′s you, to the point of obsession.”…No.

Instead you might want to think about the pocket contender approach. It can also give you quirky story to tell – which makes you endearing, AND interesting. Being interesting in this day and age is key. If you are pretty and boring – I’m sorry but there is very little help for you. As far as I am concerned you have a 2 month shelf life, then people realise that’s all there is to you. NOTE: being interesting is key.

If you go the pocket contender route – you can have a conversation that goes like: “Hey Tom Hanks, not to be nuts – but 1980′s you is one of my pocket contenders. Weird concept, got it. But you know, you are just one of those people that if I had pockets like Mary Poppins suitcase – I would keep you in there, on the reg. Don’t worry, other pocket contenders are a few good mates, a couple of my friends well behaved children, and some fun bands – it’s a hoot, you’ll love it.”

One of the rules I have with the pocket contender is that each person gets a plus one (at least) – as to make it less awkward, and more inclusive. I would imagine Tom Hanks would bring his wife, and maybe his beat boxing son. Isn’t that just the best.