Being a girl is hard


I know that people harp on about men getting it easy and feminism and burning your bra and shit. And I’m not really on that bandwagon – I mean I think we need equality – but I also think to gain equality, you really shouldn’t support movements that segregate the sexes.. Really – that’s hardly equal.

Anyway – ra ra ra – being a girl is hard. I am going to Austin next week – to listen to music and generally be insubordinate. And I’m excited. But there is so much prep work for this.. I have so many to do’s it makes me want to vom. It’s like never ending pampering..

Here is a general girl list – of current fixtures, we are not even accounting for the extra work that must happen when large events come into your calendar (eg. Austin for SXSW):

  1. Exfoliate – daily
  2. Spray tan – outside of summer. I’m all for spray tans, you avoid skin cancer that way – true story.
  3. Moisturizing, and buffering – daily
  4. Punani wax at Lonni’s – every 4-6 weeks.
  5. Contraceptive pill – daily
  6. Blow dry hair – daily or second daily (depends on exercise)
  7. Exercising – 5 times a week (3 times if I am not an obese cow)
  8. Eyebrow maintenance – I have been blessed with fabulous eyebrows – that never really need attention. But I think that most tackle this every 4 weeks (?)
  9. Nail/ Toes – weekly/ fortnightly(?)

I mean this shit just goes on, and on.. And all I can gather from boys – your list is as follows:

  1. Exercise – you could literally just ride a bike to work, and your bodies will probably still be temples
  2. Trim your business – this is sort of big deal, I think. Maybe I am a little too metro for my own good – but this is like a deal breaker, get your business under control.. I’m not saying back, sack and crack – but keep it tidy.
  3. Haircuts – unless you look good shaggy – and then keep that shit rugged..

Let’s look at these lists… COMPLETELY UNREASONABLE. I mean fuck – if I really think about mine, I spend $200 a month on beauty shit. That is sort of out of control.. I mean, most people don’t even spend that much on a seasons shopping (in America – in Australia and the UK, I don’t think only spending $200 is possible.. stop me if I’m wrong)

The positives of this, is that if I am to be honest, I don’t do it for the male population; I just generally feel better about myself when I am all maintained. I feel like a goddess – I can literally sass the pants off you when I am top game of the maintence agenda, and it’s not because I’m all, “Oh girlfriend I look good” it’s because I am good.

Lessons learned? Being fabulous is a feeling, I just wish it wasn’t so goddamn expensive.


About LUCY

Femme of sass, sometimes.