ASK LUCY: Why are dudes so shit? Seriously.


Ask Lucy !Dear Lucy,

Why has it become so hard to just find a proper male? I feel like I’m surrounded by prep boys with an irrational love for the non-existent femme.

Girl, moody under delivering musicians and boys who’s only interest is how many girls they can bump dirties with.

Should I just turn to girls?


London, somewhere.

Dear London, somewhere.

OK – here’s the starting point, if you don’t dig femmes – you shouldn’t go down that avenue (that’s quite eloquent by me..) I mean – if you like a femme, wanna date them, think it’s cool to be able to share clothes and roll – have a go. But it’s not the answer to shit dudes.

Shit dudes are less than ideal. My issues with dudes these days is that it’s really “cool” to be a total arsehole. Not that I want them to be like Fabio, the most beautiful man in the world – because frankly that turns me off a bit. But this whole “I meet you at a bar and don’t give a shit because I’m a dick” thing, is boring.

There is nothing wrong with liking people/ thinking they are pretty. Like – at all. Having crushes on people is probably the most fun you will have; it’s even more fun than actually being with someone – because it’s perfect. Everything is exciting, you don’t realise they don’t talk much, or have never cleaned a bathroom/ cooked a dinner or generally been an adult – which to be honest is true of a lot of the male species.

You know who I blame for the shit males? Shows like Sex in the City and the Hills. I guess they are entertaining, sometimes. But the fact is – shows like Sex in the City give-way to a behaviour in dudes that is not-OK, and an attitude in the common femme that their not-OK behaviour is perfectly acceptable, because remember it happened to Carrie this one time and remember Justin Bobby – isn’t he dreamy? No. I’m sure that there have always been shit dudes, and this isn’t a new thing – but I feel like since the invention of these shows about sassy femmes livin’ in the big city (kapow), all the while tolerating the waste of space dudes, has just sent us into a downhill spiral.

If you are keen on meeting the fellas, in a more than part time sense, in a more validating way than what’s “usual” here are some tips, let them guide you:

Real guys, do real things – obvious, right? But seriously – if you want a real dude, who sometimes earns money, and participates in life all the while not appearing to be completely homeless by his appearance alone, you need to go to real bars/ events. You wont find a suitable dude at a dive bar. You will find a cheap dude at a dive bar, but he wont be real. And not that money is what’s up – because it’s not – but the fact is having to carry someone around financially is the pits. Things should be equal – we are in 2013.

Act the way you want to be treated – this is another really fucking obvious one, but the amount of times I see femmes roll with dickie dudes, and throw themselves into the middle of a joke is sickening. If the bro’s are giving you a hard time, it’s not nice, you don’t like it, and they should stop – just walk away. One of two things will happen here – they will continue to be a dick, and not care – good riddances. They will realise they fucked up, and be all changing their ways “hey babe, sorry etc.” – and that my friend is what we call a result.

Join a running group – mate, I get it. we don’t all run, but the fellas who care about themselves run. Hear this, right now: You want a fella that cares. Not just about appearance, but running is about health, vitality, all that shit – you want that! So buy a pair of Asics, find a running club, make some new friends, work on your temple, and suggest a beer afterwards. You’d be surprised at how good beer tastes after exercise..

Meet people through mates – This can be tiresome, because sometimes you only have a certain amount of mates – and look how far they’ve got you at this point. Yeah, with dicky dudes. So there is an extension of this – make some new friends (not replacement friends, just additional friends), and meet their friends. I think that sometimes when we live in our cities, we just fall into routine, we become complacent. You shouldn’t. New people are great, their mates are great – that my friend is life. You need to get among it. Take someone’s number and ACTUALLY organise to do something with them.

Change your routine – You aren’t meeting good dudes through your current activities? Change them. I read somewhere recently that life happens once you step out of your comfort zone – yeah this is probably the lamest thing I’ve ever written, but it’s kind of true. Go live a little. It could be as easy as going to a different coffee shop, it could be as drastic as moving to a new country. No matter how dramatic the idea seems, at times – it will either be a window to somewhere else, or a doorway – and either of those options are ideal.

So, go! Attack life. Stop searching for Justin Bobby, and thinking (much like Audrina thought) that you could “change him” – you can’t. You need the good eggs to start with – life is actually challenging enough, you shouldn’t add stress to it by chasing guys that are impacting the Census results negatively.

Love Lucy


P.S – I’m really sorry if this has come across as somewhat empowering ridiculousness, I was listening to Mt. Wolf when I wrote it – and that’s a total game changer.

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About LUCY

Femme of sass, sometimes.