ASK LUCY: Valentine’s Day… Is this a thing?


Ask Lucy !Dear Lucy,
Fast approaching is Valentine’s day. I don’t really know how I feel about this as I’ve never really bought into the hype.

That said, I have a new lady friend. I’m not really sure if I should be doing something with her – or if that’s creepy, because it’s pretty new.

Help would be appreciated.


Hey Tomas,
I love a themed question, and I love a theme – I’m not going to lie. I could get around Christmas, Valentines day, Easter, 4th of July, {insert themed affair} faster than you can say HALLMARK HOLIDAY! So I might be the worst person to ask in the world about Valentine’s day.. I mean, I’m the femme who makes their poor mother send her a dozen long stemmed roses, just so she doesn’t look like a loser at work (thanks mum).

The short answer to this is: I don’t really know the answer. In my brain – Valentine’s day IS a crock of shit, I love it – but it’s shit. I mean, it was developed to the scale that it’s at right now by a card company to make more money. That said – there is something really lovely about being recognised as an ideal human on Valentine’s day

The main thing you need to remember here – femmes, they like things. I know that we often say we don’t care, or “like, whatever” – but we do care, and it’s not a “like, whatever”. With new’ish romances, you don’t want to appear too keen as that can often be the biggest turn off. I mean, if you are keen, and you scale it back a fraction – that’s good, all those keen feelings are there so it’s not like you are being a total dick, you are really just preserving the relationship.

I don’t think that it’s creepy to do something for the day, even if you have only been together for a blip – it really just depends on your execution. If you have some form of game, and can come across as charming while giving someone a “You are Fucking Pretty, be my VALENTINE!” card – then I would for sure get involved in the day of love.

The absolute best dates don’t cost the earth – mostly because they don’t need to. So don’t get sucked into the hype – all you need to do is look thoughtful, and you have won. However – if you have an inability to be thoughtful here are my tips, to appear that way:

Send a text message (must be in the AM’ish): this might be a bit 2.0/ nothing. But the thing is, if you sort of take the piss out of the holiday, all the while recognising it’s actually happening – this is a result. Shoot femme a text that reads something like “Mate – will you be my Valentine, or at the very least can I buy you a meal?” The fact that you text this information brings it down a notch in the serious levels – and you also aren’t cornering lady-mate into Valentine’s status. Slipping in the secondary info allows for her to ignore the “be my Valentine” part if it makes her queasy, and just answer the dinner question.

Organise non-cliched card: OK – so I found the most fabulous cards, which are good for all levels of romance. It might actually be too late to organise one of these now specifically for Valentin’es day, but it’s probably even be better as a DIY, with simply: Will you be my Fucking Valentine. It’s direct, it feels cheeky, and it’s missing all the typical cliches you normally find with Valentine’s day – which make it ideal. Short of that – if you are good at drawing, think up some clever way to say you are cool, which can be drawn… “You are Swell” is a good one.

SIDE NOTES: you should only do this if you have established you are seeing each other on Valentine’s day and if you are NOT sending a text. A text and a card is overkill.

Don’t have bad breath: This is the gift that will give all night. It’s not a big thing, it’s not even a thing – I mean you should try and have nice breath most of the time – BUT especially on Valentine’s day. Having bad breath on Valentine’s day is like when you go to a party and the food runs out – it’s a night ruiner.

Eat a meal, together (obviously): Don’t go big. I like falafels and halloumi – if the meal you proposed was a falafel and halloumi plate from the Sudanese falafel shop – I’d be so happy. Pretentious meals should only happen when you guys are super comfortable with silence, because there is a lot of silence at the fancier restaurants. Think of what old mate likes – keep it simple – and don’t let it cost you the earth. It is literally the thought, not the $$’s behind it.

Clean your room: If your room isn’t normally clean/ tidy – make it so. Girls don’t like to roll in filth. She probably really likes you if she has happily in the past – so just clean your room. I’m not saying throw rose petals on the bed and light a bunch of candles – that’s far too much. But make the bed, put your clothes away, wipe down hard surfaces (double entendre, killing it) – It’s seriously basic, but it will make your femme feel like 100 bucks.. Nay – $1000!

Do perform man-maintenance: Nothing says I care like dudes keeping it tidy. Even if it’s not your vibe (it should be your vibe, you should actually make it your vibe) make sure your frank and beans area looks neat/ isn’t unruley. It’s common courtesy in life – but on Valentine’s day, it should be an absolute given.

And on that note, good luck to you Tomas, I wish you well.

Love Lucy

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About LUCY

Femme of sass, sometimes.