ASK LUCY: My boyfriend wants a “summer break”, what’s that all about?

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Hi Lucy!
My boyfriend of 5 months recently broke up with me because he didn’t want a girlfriend over the summer, since he is going to college in the fall. We talked about making it work and trying to date in college, than he changed his mind out of the blue.

I have bad feelings that his friend and dad had something to do with the breakup, but I don’t want to assume anything. I really miss him and its been very hard to move on.

How do I move on if I still have feelings and still want him back?

Anon.

Hey mate –

I’m sorry to say: this is not how life works, or at least it shouldn’t. I might give conflicting information with all my “Winter Boyfriend” waffle – but ! If I managed a Winter Boyfriend (which, let’s be fair, is the perfect time of year to have one), I liked them enough/ didn’t get sick of them after the 4-6 months of winter in Berlin – I would keep them for summer ! No questions asked.

Deciding that “I don’t want a girlfriend over Summer” abstractly abbreviates to d.o.u.c.h.e.b.a.g. in the Oxford dictionary. It’s not only douché – it’s juvenile, how old is this guy? Who is this guy? I mean – really, it sounds like you are dating Riff Raff.

There are three major if’s, in my book which all lead to no, more or less.

  1. If your mate wants to go, soil his oats over summer and then head off to college (thus breaking up) – you need to let that go, it’s not getting easier if you try to cling onto the relationship with dear life.
  2. If he wants to stay together for summer, but still break up for college, what’s the point? No matter how much lead time you have with this, it’s still going to make you upsad – may as well get that noise over with when you are tanned.
  3. If he wants to soil his oats over summer and then maybe entertain you two being together – he actually doesn’t want this.  He is just being spineless.

What I have learnt in my lifetime of dating is that very few people have the balls to tell you what they really want. Going on a break, slowing things down, only speaking after work….if they’re not busy – these are all bullshit ways of saying “I don’t really like you anymore. I’m trying to wean you off me, because I’m a too gut-less to end it.”

Do you really want to sit around during your summer, miserable and waiting? In the off-chance Riff Raff II decides while at college a relationship is a good idea – do you even want the a long distance commitment? This is far too submissive for me. I hate being all – take back your power, I am femme hear me roar, gurl power etc. – but fuck. Value yourself.

Yes, it’s complicated and painful when you like someone and they indirectly say “hey let’s move on” and then leave it to you to call it quits….when you didn’t want to break-up in the first place ! But you are better off realising (right now) only arseholes behave this way – rather than in another 6 months when either you:

  1. have chlamydia because you’re attempting that long distance thing and homeboy is rolling with anything with a heartbeat, and you.
  2. are still upset because you hoped that shit would turn itself around, and didn’t.

The better resolution to this scenario is you doing you (as they say) and sashaying off into greener pastures, with new dudes.

There are thousands of boys out there (actually millions), and there are thousands that are right for you at almost any given moment of everyday (actually again – millions. Really, the world is enormous). In the meantime, listen to some Sam Smith, have a cry and realise: This guy is terrible. You need a different guy. One that is not going off to college to do keg stands and generally act like James Franco in that Spring Breakers movie.

Love Lucy

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About LUCY

Femme of sass, sometimes.