ASK LUCY: I undervalue myself & it needs to stop.

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Dear Lucy,
My boyfriend and I broke up a while ago, and I am having the hardest time moving on. To be honest, I can’t even really understand why. If I look at the situation objectively:

  1. I am more interesting than him.
  2. I am more fun than him.
  3. I attack life more than him.
  4. I am probably prettier than him too.

But here I am wishing I didn’t fuck things up, because I miss him. I sit here thinking everything is my fault, I should have done things differently, if only I’d “blah blah blah blah”…. and this is the worst.

We tried to get along but it’s something we can’t manage, which makes me really sad. I think I secretly hoped we would realise it was all silly and “Why are we not together? IDIOTS!” …. This hasn’t happened. And the thing is, if I were to give anyone else advice on this sort of situation, I would tell them to smarten up and move on – but sense has left the building, and I’m still sitting around feeling shit about life like a fool.

I really want this all to stop; manage my life, please.

Love Arizona.

Dear Arizona,
Ugh, ex-boyfriends. I am the last person you should speak to about these things, as I seem to handle all things break up particularly badly.

The silver lining to your situation is that it takes 15-17 months to get over someone you were totally love eyed for (I read this somewhere, yesterday). And I don’t mean just “Hey, I like you.” love heart eyed. I mean “I’m in love with you” love heart eyed. Yeah, I get it…. 15-17 months feels like a really long time, now. But at some point you will just be like “ex-boyfriend who?” and life will be peachy.

I don’t know that I can advise you how to get over this shit, because it’s hard. I don’t even know where I would suggest to start apart from the usual: go for a run, take up a hobby, kiss new dudes. More recently my latest tip is to realise self-worth. When you are in a position where you pine for the guy you’ve broken up with – you really need to start looking at yourself in the mirror and realising you are fucking epic.

I think when you are on the wrong end of a break up, the one where you are broken up with – you think you could have done something differently, somehow changed the outcome. Perhaps this is true, but this is your reality. So regardless of what you could have done – you didn’t and we can’t go backwards. You need to now value your time enough, to get on with your own shit.

It’s totally difficult – but you don’t want to want to be with someone that makes you feel like you could have done things differently. You don’t want to be with people that make you feel like you should be different to what you are – you have been curating this personality for the last 20 odd years, who are they to make you feel shit about yourself?…The only exception to this is if you are in fact a Serial Killer or something equally as not socially accepted – then you should probably change.

Yeah it’s sad – yeah people are missed – and yeah, maybe it should have been different. It wasn’t and you need to get on with it. You need to rise above all this self loathing, masochistic behaviour, and recognise how fucking wonderful you really are.

Personally, I’m all over this bandwagon – I’m it’s number one spokesperson. 2012 was my (self-proclaimed) year of awesome. 2013 was a wake up call/ an emotional nightmare. And in 2014? I’m boycotting below average.

Love Lucy

 

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About LUCY

Femme of sass, sometimes.