Dear Lucy –
One of my friends boyfriends is cheating on her. I know it, actually I think everyone knows it – but no one is talking about it. Not that I think we should gossip about it, but probably shouldn’t we tell her?
I really just don’t want to be seen as the bad guy – you know. Like, if I tell her, she get’s upset, they fight and then get back together…. I could literally never hang out with these two again. I feel like I would be shunned. And then also – IS IT EVEN MY BUSINESS?
I’m conflicted, help me.
This one is on the surface rather complicated because you do bring up a heap of good points. No one ever wants to be the bearer of bad news, and this is probably some pretty bad news. Short of dying or being terminally ill “hey mate the person who you have love heart eyes for is hooking up with other people, you may want to check in at a clinic because not only are you heart broken, you might have chlamydia.” << this right here, is some pretty heavy news – anger may be redirected at the wrong person.
And yes – I can understand the scenario of “fighting, breaking up, getting back together” and then you feeling uncomfortable – this would be pretty uncomfortable. But for me, what I would need to consider is – is this person really my friend? If they are my good friend, and we are involved with each others lives – then yeah, actually you should tell them; otherwise you are just an accessory. Frankly – I would end up being more pissed at my friends for not telling me, rather than the idiot boyfriend who couldn’t keep a handle on his trouser snake.
If she isn’t a friend, I mean – she is but it’s more like a once every 2 week affair with no real sense of loyalty or responsibility, then I’d leave it. That sounds a bit callous – but really the drama is not worth it and you are right, it’s not your business. You aren’t super best friends, you are mere acquaintances and in this age of mobile phones and Facebook you feel more responsible for peoples lives of which you should not.
The other thing here is if these two people break up and get back together and you are on the dark side of the friendship – fuck them. Really. I can’t handle people who can’t observe life in the bigger picture sense. If old mate (the boyfriend) get’s shitty, well he absolutely has no right – he is the bad guy, the ACTUAL bad guy…the REASON you are all in this position. And if your friend gets shitty, in sympathy for old mate.. Well – she’s an idiot. And you shouldn’t waste your time on people with such little life intelligence.
At the end of the day if it all turns to shit, for whatever reason – I always take solace in the fact that everything works out. Really, even when you feel like nothing went right and it didn’t work out – it’ll somehow work out. Lemons into lemonade etc. my friend.