ASK LUCY: I’m a superficial femme, and it’s bringing me down.


Ask Lucy !Hey Lucy,
I adore your writing. I would like to be kept anonymous, but I wanted to ask you something:

I’ve been dating this guy – we click so well emotionally, we laugh a lot, I really like his personality, and the only problem is he’s petite. He’s shorter and thinner than me. I feel like a whale around him.

I always envisioned myself with a tall stud who I could show off to my family and friends. Now I find myself drawn to this guy.

What should I do? He doesn’t fit into the image of how I want my life to be.

I know it’s superficial but it’s kind of a no-no for me.

Yours truly,

Restless in Berlin

Hey mate.
OK – I am the first person who can pick up what you are putting down. To start with, I am the most superficial human I know – it’s fucking atrocious. I know that I’m being a superficial bitch with 95% of my life – but somehow I’m entirely governed by it, and it makes me a bit sick. I also feel like, if you can recognise it, you aren’t REALLY that superficial.. You know?

Secondly – I’m not a stick figure. I am the white Beyonce, and I can vibe that heavily because looking hungry is not hot. This said – it does make the dude situation a bit of a trick. So – we are on good standing, already! RESULT. I’m much better at tackling this shit in stages, read on.

Homeboy is short – but you click: What you want, and I’m going to tell you because I’m that much of an arsehole I feel like I know what’s best FOR EVERYONE… What you want – is someone to high-five around the place with. Not to sound like a cheesy-fucking-bleh – but sucking face with your “best friend” is what’s up. I mean – if you are such friends that it’s more like a brother/ sister thing, then that’s obviously not what is up, that’s like incest.

I hear you feeling like a whale around guys that are smaller than you. I was with a guy once who’s legs were skinnier than mine. I’m positive he wore a smaller size everything than me – and at the time, this really did my head in. Now – I’m all like, can’t touch this da-da-da-da. You know what is not hot? Hungry. And frankly, a tall femme is cool, I wish I were tall. I’m not – I’m 5’6 and not frail looking. I’m good with this, and because I’m good with this, it makes me less sensitive to the size shape or other of the dude I choose to roll with.

Your ideal situation is:

  1. You feel good about your shape/ stature so that your hommes lack of muscles and general vertical’ness isn’t a bother.
  2. You get along so well with old mate that you are just happy sitting, doing nothing together.

For me – if I’m all “I’d happily do nothing with you” then shit is good. This is a focus point.

You thought you’d be with a more sturdy stud’ly guy: Mate – I have grown up a semi-attractive femme and I’m going to be honest – all the babes from my past are:

  1. Heavy, and that doesn’t mean muscular.
  2. Sort of balding.
  3. Fucking tossers.

And I really mean no offense babes who read my blog – but you are (mostly) entitled dick heads.

I personally think that dudes are growers. The last two guys I was with I was mostly skeptical about, because they didn’t fit my traditional homme-mold. However – at some point this just stopped being a thing, for the simple fact I was all love-heart eyes.

You need to remember the historically/ traditionally baben dudes are emotionally retarded, and if you were writing to me under the “I’m with a babe” scenario – you would probably be asking me how you make the leap from Part-Time to Full-Time. And your guess would be as good as mine.

Life is not going in the direction you had imagined: I (for sure) thought I would be a more bitching version of myself. I was all “I’mma own a house, a dog, a full time dude, wear nice clothes etc. etc.” I wear OK clothes, I have a part/ full time dude (this is a grey area), I SUBLET – I don’t even rent properly.. But I’m ok with it. Because I live in Europe, and this is cool. Directions change, as long as outcomes make you positively dreamy-faced – shut up.

You see – if you have a nice time with this person, you need to hush your brain up. Some people are so horrible they can’t find anyone they can high-five around the place with. But you’ve managed someone that you get along with, and it’s not really what you think of that person that’s turning you off – it’s the fact that he doesn’t fit the mould you can show off to friends and family that is your problem… SO – it’s how he is making you look to other people, who aren’t really involved – at all. Do you hear how this sounds? You need own life a bit more, and just get around old mate.

Who knows where it’s all leading. You might end up together for 5 months, 2 years, it could be that forever type stuff you read about in all the femme mags. But you just don’t knowww. That’s the mystery of life. And to think about it on such a surface level in the dating stage, is really doing you a disservice.

Bottom line: you need to get over yourself, let it all grow, and if it doesn’t (much like your mate) – move on; any other way, would just be you, being shit at life.

Love Lucy

*** Submit any and all of your question marked thoughts to or through the Facebook page.

No submission will go unanswered, all can be anonymous.


About LUCY

Femme of sass, sometimes.