ASK LUCY: I’m a small business owner – do femmes dig that?


Ask Lucy !Dear Lucy

I’ve recently set up a new company (it’s more of a vibe than a company) with one of my bros and burst into the world of self-employment.

It’s a scary but exciting time in my life. I’m however finding I have less time now to worry / think / organise shit with femmes.

Are femmes likely to react positively to my new situation or negatively to me potentially having less time / no guaranteed $$$ coming in on the 22nd of the month etc?

Much love,


My dear Ben DBLN,
Let’s start with one fast and furious dot point here:

  1. Good one mate.

To be honest, I don’t even know how to kick start into this question, because you know what… Fuck the femmes. Well, no not fuck them – I mean, we are lovely creatures and you should take care of us, buy us flowers, call us pretty as much as humanly possibly without us thinking you are taking the piss. BUT – really, fuck the femmes.

I can understand you are keen to find a femme, call her your own – and have someone to spend Sundays with. But right now – you are doing bigger picture shit, you are getting around life in a huge way – you are self employing, you are creating jobs, you are paying taxes!

You and I live within a generation of acronyms. And what this means for us, and our people is a few things:

  1. We believe ourselves to be so time poor we can’t muster full sentences; this is not true, smarten up young people.
  2. Sometimes we can have actual conversations that have no meaning to anyone over the age of 35 (OMG, 143 BF.. TTYL. < this is something, totally FML)
  3. FOMO is a thing people actually say, with sincerity.

You want to know something, you can’t do everything – and FOMO is ridiculous. Sometimes you have to concentrate on doing one thing well rather than spreading yourself so thin so you can do everything and never experience FOMO, ever. If you find that the femmes you are meeting are reacting negatively to the amount of time you have to spend with them – because like how hard is it to grab a coffee or whatever, then their contract needs to be renegotiated – the end.

I mean – I get it, it’s somewhat of a two way street – you can’t expect when you say “{Femme name} – I’ve finally got time, let’s hang,” she’ll be all “Ohhh Ben DBLN, lets!” The reality you are now living means┬á if you find a femme you like, and you are feeling time poor – you have to make those moments count. And this shouldn’t involve a huge ca$h payout on the 22nd of each month, this should just reflect time – and that needs to be worth something, with feeling.

The thing is – you need to be with femmes who can see a bigger picture and are happy with all that is you – not a fancy dinner, or a posh car, or all that nonsense they project on Made in Chelsea (that show is fucking garbage, I watched it – no.) People with such little foresight and understanding into life don’t deserve very much relationship oxygen. They deserve to be part timers, and part timers are entitled to near to no benefits – being a priority is not one of them.

If you want to find a long term femme who gets your current life projection; this might take a little bit of time, so at this stage what does it matter if you are considering/ thinking/ worrying about the female species?

If you are simply keen on a part timer. You’re English. Your ladies are pretty liberal with the whole rolling vibe – this really shouldn’t be that difficult in and around any watering hole in London.

Love Lucy.

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About LUCY

Femme of sass, sometimes.