I am single and kind of cute. Guys usually pay me attention and ask me out. I meet them once, to get to know them better. In many cases, after the first date, I am not interested in going further with them. They seem false to me and I get the feeling they pretend to be someone to impress me. I miss authenticity.
How would be the nicest and most constructive way to let them know I don’t want to meet again? I really don’t want to make them feel bad, but sometimes it’s very hard for me to explain, that I’m not interested in meeting again… Especially, if they keep forcing.
Hello there Fiona,
This sounds to me like you have a classic case of “too cute for your own good” I felt this pain as a child quite specifically between the ages of 4-7 but then I started to fill out and I lost my ethereal golden trademark locks; it was a sad day, I felt like my entire fucking mystique had all but faded… A harsh truth to come to realise at the age 7, anyway I’m getting sidetracked (that’s going to happen a lot in this conversation your going to have to pay attention … who ever told you learning can be fun lied… this will test your resolve far greater than any Pynchon novel)
OK – so its good to hear that your getting attention and are being asked out, this I would think is almost rare now what with the Internet and mobile phones and all that fiasco, everyone one hiding behind some false internet persona (Microsoft paint abs or Photoshopped breast augmentation are now standard).
We have to remember that in today’s world there are so many pressures for people to conform to others expectations, I wouldn’t be surprised that guys are pretending to be someone else around you, I think most men are somewhat intimidated by attractive girls and they feel the need to show off. This comes in many forms; it could be firing off some reverse bicep curls with the rather inexpensive bottle of Dutch wine he took the liberty of ordering at dinner to try get some more brownie points and telling tales about the time him and Dave had a push up competition!
Showing off obviously stems from insecurities of which we all have so finding a nice(ish)/ pleasant way to tell someone because of their constant mentioning of their 5-figure salary over the course of your garden side salad that you have no desire what so ever to ever acknowledge their existence ever again, the most common way to break this news to someone is with …. LIES good old fashioned lies, telling them its not them its you (when its blatantly them) or that you were looking for someone with a wooden leg or glass eye.
Personally if I was in your shoes, I would exercise the truth, don’t hold back giving these chaps both barrels, express your creative self with a list of bullet points of all the reasons why you wish never to see them again – leave no stone unturned and do these men a favour, if you didn’t like the fact he ordered Fanta at the small little family owned Italian eaterie tell him so. If it was obvious that he had never done a triple backflip side turn on a jet ski off a moving train call his bluff!
In order to attract a different calibre of man I would start dressing down for dates… Pick some dreadful clothes to wear (something orange usually works) or maybe put your make up on in the dark give these chaps a chance to lower their guard for a few dates before you turn up in your pretty frock and blow their minds with your exquisite face.
dates are tricky things and anyone who takes the first couple seriously obviously hasn’t realised that a relationship is basically remembering all the lies you told on those first few encounters so that the pretty lass thought you were some type of renaissance personified.
Good luck! and happy dating.
Keep it Mexico.
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