ASK LUCY: I’m a dude. Please help me with the ladies?


Ask Lucy !Hey Luce,
I’m a guy that likes girls. And I’m just wondering if you have any hot tips on how to woo the ladies.

It’s not that I have a huge amount of trouble – but advice never goes astray.



Hey Hugo,
This is a really cool question. I personally think it’s not brain surgery – however, I’m a femme that likes dudes and I’m also a femme who knows what she likes, which makes things slightly easier.

Obviously all ladies are different – but I suspect if you read my blog we are possibly sewn of the same cloth, and can imagine the tail you are chasing is much like me, probably nicer – but most are.

Here are my go to rules on how you would woo me/ 95% of my mates.

Wear good shoes – I don’t mean pointy crocodile skin ones, those are not normal. In fact, any shoe that is pointy is totally gross – throw them away. When I talk normal shoes, there is a range here.

  1. Brogues are a good start, in a dark grey, navy, possible dark tan (if swede).
  2. Some form of desert boot, AS LONG AS IT DOESN’T HAVE A RUBBER SOLE. That’s really important, all grown up shoes should have real soles, so if they are thick rubber with an adult look and feel, put them back.
  3. Sneakers are also cool – but this is trickier, as you need good taste in sneakers and this doesn’t come that easily. If you are naturally drawn to sneakers such as those Adias ones with wings – you should probably steer away from sneakers.
  4. If all that fails – keep it simple with a navy pair of vans. Done.

Don’t use pick up lines – You should know this. If you don’t know that pick up lines are perfectly unacceptable to use with strangers then it’s a wonder you get any femmes. Pick up lines are ONLY cool if you know the person you are saying the pick up line to, and there is a mutual attraction. Then it’s kind of funny, and suggestive – but in no way creepy because you have established you like each other. There must be a playful dynamic to use such lines with the ladies you know, understand that.

Smile, sometimes – OK, so there is a fine line between being a creep and not being one in social situations. But dudes these days are so asexual, if I was standing at a bar, and when I walked by you – you smiled, I’d feel pretty good about that. I don’t mean that you should perminantely have a fake grin on your face and just scan the room with hope, but do flash a pretty femme your pearly whites every now and again; she’ll remember, and it will make striking up a conversation slightly easier as girlfriend will be less on the defensive side – and giving off more of the “haii, oh haiii” vibe.

Maintain your facial hair – Have a beard, don’t have a beard – I personally don’t care too much, just keep it neat. There is nothing WORSE than tendrils of hair whisping off a dudes face. If you are opting for that rugged look – it requires maintenance, don’t be lazy. Lord knows – it’s not that hard.

Basic clothing is key – I actually had a conversation with a mate about this the other day, and they felt like they were put in a box by being made to wear more simple garb. Look – the fact is you need to limit yourself to white or dark colours with no prints – this doesn’t mean it’s entirely boring. Start liking the details of those clothes. Soft fabrics are next LEVEL baben. If I was to meet a guy that:

  1. Didn’t look unwashed.
  2. Was wearing dark denim, straight/ skinny’ish leg jeans.
  3. Dark grey t-shirt
  4. Black woolen type hoodie, or just a simple dark coloured crew neck jumper.
  5. Brogues/ desert boot type shoes.

I would probably try and kiss his face, right there and then. The added bonus of kissing your face, is that I would probably put my hand on your shoulder. If your jumper was soft like lambs wool, or delicious like cashmere – it may well be the icing on the cake. The vibe we are going for is understated yet “rich”. And I don’t mean you have to be rich, just have rich feeling clothes and an understated look.

Chilvary is not dead – Buy me a drink. Don’t buy all of them, but a wine is hardly going to break the bank. If I kindly refuse – then stop offering, being overtly keen is a turn off. So if you have smiled and offered me one drink – that’s all the keen you need to be. If I rebuff this – it’s on me, and you should back away.

Don’t say dick’ish things – I’ll tell you what’s bad, when you meet a new dude and in the first 20m he throws some political nonsense at you. “Picking up” as we so lovingly call it in Australia should be fun, not serious. Don’t talk the EU crisis, don’t be derogatory towards the gay community, don’t racial vilify an ethnic group within your city. Maybe you have views, I doubt they have legs (to begin with) – but frankly you just want to pash and dash the babes? Keep it light, keep it sunshine.

I think that’s enough to get your going with the femmes and if it doesn’t? Well – I’m not even sure what to do with that.

Love Lucy


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About LUCY

Femme of sass, sometimes.