ASK LUCY: I’m a big spender with a not so flush mate… And that’s complicated.

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Hey Lucy,

I’m hooking up with someone who earns less money than I do and I feel shit about it. I really like him, but I don’t want to have to carry him financially.

Do you think it’s a big deal to earn more? It’s early stages, so I’m at the point where if I think this is problematic, I might just cut my losses and run.

Thanks,

Pauline

Hey Pauline,

You’re a terrible person. I’m sorry, but really – you are the worst. I mean, I can understand going on holidays with people and wanting to have more or less the same amount of money because that’s just easier, but general life? No, that feels kind of shallow. General life doesn’t need to be 24/7 ca$h, it can be full of cheap and cheerful adventures that cost nothing but add everything.

I’m still having trouble computing this. If you have just started dating old mate, aren’t you a little bit love heart eyes? Don’t you just want to hang out, like most of the time? How are you so fucking practical? I’m not suggesting you should be so over the moon that you are buying a trip for both of you to Bali because everyone should be in on that adventure. But surely in the early stages of a relationship it’s more lunches, drinks, dinners etc. Which is hardly breaking the bank? And even if it is, then get creative. Buh. I’m so annoyed with you Pauline.

This is the sort of practical shit that drives me nuts. Like “I can foresee a problem here so let’s just shut that shit down.” HOW ARE YOU SO UNROMANTIC?! Fuck. Can’t you just give it a go, see how it all runs and then make a call? Why does everyone need to know how things are going to work before they are even prepared to try. How un-fun is that? SO – UN – FUN.

And the other thing, this is a bit superficial, no? I’m pretty superficial on a day-to-day basis and I think this situation we have going on here is pretty bad. It’s not like you are going to sign up for a joint bank account next week and then you have to carry all their life choices. It’s a coffee. Or a drink. Or… I don’t know, a fucking bagel ! And, sorry – don’t you want to buy things for people you like. I always want to buy things for people I think are ok. These things/ activities are never any more than 10€… What are we even talking about !

Moving on from my complete lack of understanding with this situation; I get the feeling you aren’t so creative, which is fine – no everyone can be. And I’m also sorry, I really haven’t been totally nice with this Ask Lucy. So – let’s get constructive. I would recommend you give this situation 2-3 months, if you like the guy then this’ll be fun. 2-3 months gives you enough time to work out if you want to keep on, or if you don’t like the guy and finances were just the easy (initial) excuse. To make life easier with the financial front, here are some recommendations of things you can do without money that will keep everyone occupied.

COMBINE YOUR FOODS FOR DINNER AT HOME:

Go to Supercook.com and organise what foods you have. This website will kick out some meal suggestions for you and you can make that together. You aren’t spending extra money – you are doing something together – no one is stretched. It also let’s you highlight dietary requirements (vegetarian, nut allergy etc.) – which is kind of handy in our 2016 climate of Vegan, gluten free, vegetarian, vegetarian but eat fish, nut allergy, nut allergy but I eat peanuts etc. etc.

SIGN UP FOR NETFLIX:

Ok, so this might cost you 8€ a month but that really isn’t breaking the bank. Find a Series you both like and hang out to watch it. Watching things on tele together is kind of boring, I’m a bit bored suggesting it – however I think there is something nice about hanging out on the couch once a week. And it also gives you a common interest to chat about.

GET A BOTTLE OF WINE:

Wine is so cheap in this country I barely know what to do with myself when I decide I’m not drinking for a period of time. Set up some fairy lights on your balcony, go for a walk down the canals, sit on the Spree – in short, find a location & drink wine. Talk about life. Or don’t talk about life and talk about the Series you were watching earlier in the week. Talk about anything – this experience probably cost you no more than 4€ and can provide maybe an hour or 2 of entertainment.

DO ANY OF THESE FREE BERLIN BASED ACTIVITIES:

There is nothing wrong with being a tourist in your own city. So, get out there and do things. The East Side Gallery. That Peacock park thing that romantic couples venture to. The Reichstag is kind of impressive ! Catch the M29 through the city – that’s the best bus for a cheap tourism experience. In a more somber activity front, the Topography of Terror = free. The Holocaust Memorial = free. Flea Markets = free (unless you decide to buy something). Karaoke at Mauerpark = free. There is so much free stuff in Berlin. How are we having this Ask Lucy?!

I think maybe you didn’t think this one through, and just got caught on – “here’s something that might be a problem”. My 2016 New Year’s Resolution is to see less problems and be more positive/ optimistic – so if you like this human, I would suggest to roll with it and see how it all works. I think you will find if this doesn’t work, it won’t be due to financial difficulties.

And seriously, if it is finances that breaks the camels back – you are far too practical, you need to loosen the fuck up.

Love Lucy.

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About LUCY

Femme of sass, sometimes.



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