ASK LUCY: I’m a 25 year old virgin & I need pointers

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Dear Lucy –

I’m a 25 year old virgin. I’m not stressed about not having done “it” with someone yet, to be fair it’s not like I haven’t had opportunity and up until now I wasn’t do sure what all the fuss was about. But now, I’m ready to roll (as you would say).

I think maybe it’s a bit weird for other people that I’m a 25 year old virgin, so I want to make this as easy breezy as possible and maybe appear to know what I’m doing, a little.

Do you have any hot tips? I get the sense television/ movies/ porn aren’t my go to for research.

Eva

Hey Eva –

It’s cool that you ask this, because I’m reading this book at the moment and one of it’s chapters was dedicated to HOW TO ROLL, for men and women. And I thought – what great info ! I think it’s super cool you are super cool about being someone who is yet to bump uglies (graphic !). I find the whole rigamarole of sex rather exhausting. Not that it’s can’t be something that is special and intimate and rah rah rah – but often it’s just fun between two consenting adults and that’s what’s cool. And actually sometimes it’s not fun at all, and it’s all like – bad idea, could I get that 15-30 minutes back please?

I think that each and every person has their own style when it comes to rolling, and frankly this only comes with practice. But here are the things I wish someone had told me when I was testing the sexy waters.

DON’T ROLL UNLESS YOU REALLY WANT TO

The absolute worst thing I have ever done is roll around with someone because I was bored/ thought it was a good idea under the influence. You need to remember will probably see this person again, and every time you do see them you will likely get that awkward feeling that makes you cringe and then your face flush a bit. This isn’t ideal, it’s very hard to maintain an air of cool with a red face – trust me. I’m not suggesting you will feel fireworks and butterflies all the time/ for every person you have ever rolled with, but regret is the worst and life is awkward enough.

BE COOL WITH ALL YOUR WOBBLY BITS

Do you wanna know something, no one really notices how you look when you are in the throws of passion. Maybe you think your bum is too big, your boobs too small, your feet weird or your arms a bit wobbly. Keep it to yourself. There is nothing unsexier than someone sitting there going “Uhhhh, I’ve got a winter waist line…Sorry.” This is either going to do one of two things:

  1. Make old mate realise you are probably bonkers with body hang ups which will equal: this sexy-situation doesn’t have legs.
  2. Highlight your weird feet, which you didn’t want old mate to notice.. so you pointed them out?

If you are German, you probably don’t feel weird at all – because Germans (actually maybe the whole of Europe) are very good at being at one with naked’ness. But if you are Australian, American, English – pretend you are cool with it. This is the only one thing you should fake between the sheets.

FAKING “IT” IS A NO, DON’T DO THAT

You are literally ruining it for yourself and the rest of the population. You are ruining it for females because then we all have to fake it, because you have also ruined it for males because they think they don’t even have to do anything and you are therefor ruining it for yourself because you are female and we’ve come full circle.

Pretending something is the most fun you have ever had when it’s not is never a good idea. It sets the bar, and then if this is a recurring roll you have to get to that bar every time – which then makes everything exhausting. The casual roll shouldn’t be exhausting due to expectations. It should be exhausting because “YAY to the casual roll”.

SAUCY PICS/ VIDEOS ARE A GREY AREA

Been there done that, bought the t-shirt. I’ve always been in two minds about sexy pics; on the one side I think it’s great if you are open/ shame free about sending a saucy pic or several; sometimes life is a bit long distance and you need something to keeps the sparks flying. But on the other side – have we not all learned from J-Law in the last 12 months?

Photos and videos can be forever and who’s to say your current sexy tryst has legs? Who’s to say you and old mate of the moment aren’t going end things in a non-good way.. Save your nude selfies for dudes you really like or feel a little long term with. At least then, you may have your own collection of racy pics to hold over their head in the event they want to take your nakedness to the people/ Internet.

CHANNEL YOUR INNER FUN GODDESS

Rolling around isn’t like tele. It’s not all perfectly messy hair and good angles. It’s weird, sometimes awkward and a lot times funny. So don’t get stuck with your sexy face on. Trying new things, taking life less seriously is exactly where you are up to between the sheets. From my stand point when you are at your most vulnerable, you have the least to lose – just roll with it. Pun intended.

I hope this helps, good luck to you.

Love Lucy

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About LUCY

Femme of sass, sometimes.