I’m just going to jump right in, as I don’t know that they is a very good way to put this all.
I’m Jewish, my boyfriend isn’t. My parents are really strict and mostly tolerate this because they don’t think it’s going to last.
I feel like I hold myself back because I know my parents will never be really behind it – but I really like this guy, so don’t want to loosely go with it.
Do I break up with the guy and try and find a nice Jewish guy. OR do I go with it, and cross possible dis-ownment if this crazy little thing turns into something serious and marriage’y..?
I’ve spent too much time thinking about this – I need a totally impartial/ unbiased view point.
OH-mate. This is the wurst, the absolute curry-wurst. I’m not fond of ultimatums. Like – “if you do this, I will never speak to you again” type stuff. That is nonsense in my books. Not to say your parents are nonsense – but it’s probably something I would have action’ed at 15. Which is the age when you are total rubbish.
Actively going ahead with something that is going to disappoint your parents is shit. But in the sense that – if I were to be a drug addict my mother would be heavily disappointed. As a response? I decide take up heroin. That is terrible. But that is like seriously life changing, bad choice making stuff. That is not what this is.
You are two kids who like each other – if old mate is a:
- drug dealer
- car thief
- pyramid schemer
- sexual predator
Then this is somehow failing under my taking up heroin example. But if it’s just a fact that he is not Jewish/ the religion your parents involve themselves in – I think everyone is going to get over it.
Yes, ideally you marry a Jewish boy, from a nice family, who has a small business and hasn’t been arrested – but isn’t that what we all want? Unfortunately this isn’t how life works. Call me a romantic – I don’t think you can carefully plan out who you like because that’s what’s best for the blood line or family reputation. I think you like who you like – and as long as they don’t hurt you, what’s the harm?
Yeah – your parents might be disappointed; but they largely cultivated you from birth to now, my guess is they will probably learn to like old mate – and get over it. I mean, to be honest – maybe you and the guy doesn’t work out or maybe it does, but I say cross that bridge when you get there. Cutting this off now, because “possibly it is problematic in the future but I kind of like this guy” is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Like the guy – and figure out the logistics of it all when it’s a really serious thing.
Chances are if it is serious, he will be around for long enough that everyone would have settled into it by the time they were supposed to be disappointed.
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