ASK LUCY: I like an older dude, do I have “daddy issues”?

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Ask Lucy !Dear Lucy,

First of all – I love your blog! Like – you’re hilarious and clever etc. (♥♥♥)

But that’s not why I’m writing this mail.

Thing is I’m into a mate who’s quite older than me (I’m a “femme”, 21 yrs old). Like – he could be my cool uncle or something like that.

It’s not like he’s in his fifties, he is 34. BUT he is so very nice! And funny! And sweet! PLUS he’s not a hipster (!), but has the best taste in music ever.

Like if he’d be 10 yrs younger I’d be “over the moon” (!? sorry my English is so not perfect).

All my friends think I’m a creep/ have daddy issues/ a creep with daddy issues. Am I a creep/ have daddy issues/ a creep with daddy issues!?

Please help me.

Best regards,

Anonymous


Dear Anonymous,
Firstly – your English is perfect, so shut your mouth. Cool. Secondly – this is a good question.

Let’s call you Kate because simply saying Anonymous feels weird. You’re twenty-one, your mate is 34. OK. So this is what? 13 years? I’d feel ok about this.

…I’m not even sure where to go with this – I’m 28, so thinking about dating 34 year is like – killllling itttt! Dudes in the low 30’s are the fucking tits, much better than those in their twenties (sorry, dudes). For a few reasons.

They know how to manage their own shit – I’ve dated younger guys/ regular aged guys who don’t know anythinggggg! What’s a washing machine? How do I clear a table? Cooking – can’t we just order take away? NONONO. Fuck – sometimes it’s nice to have someone cook you dinner. Even if it’s crap, it’s the fact that they fucking tried. Young dudes – won’t be doing this. Men of age will. It’s got something to do with knowing how to manage life as an independent human, you can’t get this with someone who somehow still leans on his parental units (anyone under the age of 28).

Old mate probably has a real job – this isn’t a be all and end all, but fucking-hey it’s nice to be with people that have a real job, earn normal money and like things. Possibly you are German, and you are less concerned with this. But in my reality – I like holidays, and I like for people to come with me. I like eating out, and I don’t wanna do this by myself. So when you locate a dude that has a job, has his shit together it’s like yay! I mean – you can still do all the things you want without that dude, but you will be going on a lot of girls vacays or solo trip. And there is really nothing wrong with a sexy holiday here and there.

They know how to roll around, like – they know – Everyone thinks they know how to roll. We all think we are masters of the bedroom, we probably aren’t – but you have a better chance of things not being a total shit show with an older dude. Old mates been around, and this is A-OK (as long as everyone has been pro-safe sex, otherwise – that’s dicey) It’s like being with a really confident person, without the arrogance – you know?

Older dudes are calm – In my experience, guys that are older are really fucking laid back about everything. I’m highly strung, so sometimes this is kind of annoying – but for the part time vibes I’m trying to throw off at the moment, it’s suitable. They have their schedule – you have your schedule – that’s cool let’s do things together when it works… Everyone is happy. It’s like entering into something that is already matured; everyone is comfortable, everyone does their own thing, everyone gets along on a low maintenance level.

On top of all this – you like the same music? This is an ideal result. There is actually nothing better than liking the same of something. For some that’s fashion, for others that’s travel. For me it’s music. So, if I’m with a guy who likes all the right stuff, I go all love heart eyes immediately. It’s just science, and it’s also kind of annoying, as it seems that the guys that vibe the music I vibe – are arsehole.

I don’t think you have daddy issues – I don’t actually think your problem lies with your older mate… I think maybe you need new friends! You like a guy, he’s older, you get along – this is the end of the story. Not to be all preachy – but you get one fucking shot at life. The worst thing you could feel is regret by inaction. Not to say you should be reckless – but fuck, speculation does you no good. Maybe it’ll last a week, maybe it’ll last a month, a year? Who knows – but until you bite the bullet it’s going to be all:

“He’s too old.”
“He doesn’t like me.”
“I have daddy issues.”
“Wait, am I creepy?”

You should really be – yeah I went for it, seems age is an issue, dealing with it. Otherwise you’ll sit there in imagination land, get attached to something that could be but isn’t and then “fuck how hard is it to meet new dudes!” You’ll find it nightmare’ish to remove yourself from the non-reality you are living and it’s like you went into a relationships but with none of the perks. This way – you know wasssup, and can work with whatever that may be.

DOES THIS MAKE SENSE?! I hope it does. Good luck to you Kate, be sure to invite me to the wedding.

Love Lucy

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About LUCY

Femme of sass, sometimes.