ASK LUCY: I like a guy who seems pretty indifferent

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Dear Lucy –
I met a guy who I think I like. We get along really well and have heaps to talk about, etc. etc.

The catch is – he is sort of indifferent a lot of the time. I’m really happy to meet up and hang out, but he has a sort of take it or leave it personality.

I would like to see where it goes and give it all a bit of a shot, but I’m not really sure if it’s worth busting my ass over this if it’s a 60/40 split of effort.

Should I continue chasing, or just move on to the next one – even if I think it has potential to be awesome.

Thanks,

Felicia.

Dear Felicia –
This is an annoying situation you have yourself in, you know that right? I mean – it’s just scientific that you want what you can’t really have, and old mate is that something. So – doesn’t he appear all the more delicious. DILEMMA.

It is possible he is just being cool as a cucumber and in actual fact is pretty love heart eyes for you too, but this is just the rubbish your girl-friends tell you so you don’t get so upsad about the whole experience. We aren’t girlfriends, and I don’t care so much about your feelings (no offence) To be perfectly honest – if this is the case and he is channeling cool cucumbers, that’s a whole lot of game playing nonsense…ain’t nobody got time for that. The hot/cold bullshit is confusing and largely the reason that most girls are fucking crazy.

At some point in life you recognise that this whole treating them mean to keep them keen is totally bananas.. Really. Yeah – everyone likes the chase, but you know what else is cool? Feeling confident with the person you suck face with occasionally; and unfortunately – I don’t know that you are getting there with this one.

Maybe it would get there. Mayyyyyybe – if you push this hard enough he will have some version of an epiphany and be like “Felicia – you are my moon. {insert other grandiose zodiac type love statements here}” But the fact of the matter is, if it’s going to work out – it’s going to work out, so I mostly feel like pushing the guy to realise you are fab and forcing the idea that “don’t you two fit well together?” is a terrible idea – because actually, he should probably know this already.

You don’t want to roll around with someone who is indifferent to you. Nor do you want to force someone into getting the love heart shaped eyes if they aren’t there yet. It should all be somehow effortless. Yeah it’s complicated to navigate personalities, and it can be complicated to manage the addition of a +1 in your space/ time/ orbit – but actually liking someone, making them feel special, being totally gaga about “how exciting life is and look at all the opportunities !” shouldn’t be hard nor tiresome.

On the other hand, seeing where it goes is cool – if it’s not jeopardising your life/ expectations/ trigging mad proportions of angst. If you think you have a handle on it and can remain semi-detached while still fully present – you are a more emotionally stable femme than I. Realistically – I think you would just be leading yourself down the incorrect garden path of false hope and broken dreams.

My tip? Channel the honey badger, kiss the relationship goodbye, wish everyone well and be your own person. If it’s going to work out – at some point it will. And if it’s not? Well then at least you called it and owned your own life a bit. Cue Jessie Ware.

Love Lucy

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About LUCY

Femme of sass, sometimes.