ASK LUCY: I forgot to tell a guy it was over, fast-forward months later.


Hey Lucy

I was seeing this guy before I started dating the guy I’m with now. I never said “yo, I’m seeing someone else” just weened him off. And even though this was months and months ago, I still feel bad.

He’s a SUPER awesome guy but I just wasn’t feeling it, in that way. I feel like writing him a letter or something to say, I dunno, sorry, or something, for leaving him in the cold. He never asked what happened, I guess he just got the message.

What do you think – leave it or address it?


Hey mate,

So. I’m a bit divided on this one. As someone who infrequently but often enough has part time boyfriends I sort of think people should give you the heads up that they don’t like you anymore. My biggest gripe about dating is that people just don’t communicate. They stop texting, or calling, or whatever relevant social tool the kids are using these days, then you are left there trying to be cool about being ignored/ rejected because nobody should look like they give even one shit these days. And now that person you liked/ hooked up with for a time is just a guy that you used to roll with *flick hair* whateves.

But it’s not like that. Being with people is emotional. Not like crying yourself to sleep after once upon a time rolling and now being a rejected emotional, but shit can be a lot, feelings-wise. People are emotional, things get emotional and sometimes your little heart/ insides will get hurt. IT’S EMOTIONAL – YOU GOT IT?

The thing about feelings is it’s hard any way you slice it. Whether you rip the band-aid and tell your mate “Hey – I don’t wanna do this anymore, I’m sorry.” or if you just stop – it’s going to be the same amount of upset. It’s just that one is drawn out over maybe a 4 week period and the other is immediate, allows you to get sloppy drunk with mates, embarrass yourself at a club, kiss another guy and essentially move on, fast.

Could-a, would-a, should-a – yes, probably you should have said something to old mate, anything:

  • “Hey mate, can’t do this anymore, I met someone else.”
  • “Hey mate, this is never a fun conversation but I don’t think this is going to work.”
  • “Hey mate, I don’t like you anymore. Sorry brother.”

….But you didn’t – and now it’s months later. I don’t know that opening up the communication NOW is an idea I would get behind. I mean, what’s the point… What’s the end game of it all? So you feel better about yourself? Do you think that old mate hasn’t had closure? Is he contacting you frequently, still not getting it? If he still drunk dials/ texts/ sends cutesy messages – yes, send him a note. If he doesn’t, if it appears everything has just moved forward in it’s own natural way, I really don’t see the point in reopening the dialogue to realise that no one cares.

I would assume that if you feel like writing him a letter (rather than just having a casual conversation about it) you don’t talk at all, so I don’t know that there is really anything to feel accountable for. Sometimes people don’t stay friends/ up-to-date, that’s life.

Love Lucy

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About LUCY

Femme of sass, sometimes.