ASK LUCY: How do I revisit an old flame, that never really “flamed”?


So mate,

I’m thinking about revisiting an old relationship which never quite took off (but the door was never closed).

A) Is this a good idea?
B) How does one best go about reigniting after months of non-chat?

Anon Ymous

Mate, hi.

My biggest hate in the world is when things don’t fully close. Actually – this isn’t strictly true, but it’s up there. It’s not because I don’t like doors still being open for possible adventures etc. but it’s just that it leaves you in a sort of purgatory of relationships. Is there something there, isn’t there? I’m lonely, maybe I could send a text. Should I send a text? Do you reckon we would grab dinner, suck face and then there is my carefree summer fling. No, no, no – these are all terrible thoughts – this takes up so much energy, this thinking energy. Blergh.

I probably don’t vibe these sorts of internal conversations because I’ll sit there and over-think it all. Over-thinking things died around the same time Sex and the City came off the airwaves.. Going for things is the way of success. So let’s answer these questions, with the action feelings of 2014 in mind:

Is this a good idea? This is a great idea. I mean – why would this be a bad idea? Did she tell you your face stinks and she she can’t bear to look at you? Was she emotionally abusive, and that’s why it filtered out? If you feel like it all just sort of fizzled out because life ! Then picking this back up because life ! is not a terrible thing.

As they say, you need to grab the bull by the horns. Maybe it’s going to be a two date minimum – and it’s like “hey, actually – you were boring, that’s why this doesn’t have legs” but at least you had a fucking go, and realised this – rather than sitting there thinking/ wondering/ wishing for any number of situations.

How does one best go about reigniting after months of non-chat? It’s 2014, pick up the phone and call her? Whatever you do, DON’T sit there liking things on facebook/ twitter/ instagram passively trying to get her to contact you. This is the worst. This is like… grow a pair. The thing is girls want to be wanted. Not in an entirely creepy, stalker, constant contact type way, but in a “hey girl, what are you up to?” type way.

So – give her a call and start with “hey girl, what are you up to?” If it works for Ryan Gosling, I’m sure it must work for other people. You are going to recognise pretty quickly if the window of opportunity is still open. And if it is – lock in a wine/ beer/ walk – who cares, just lock that shit down – and 2014 Action Bronson your way through it.

The take away from this one is that you need to just go for it. If she didn’t leave you emotionally scarred, chew you up, spit you out and made you feel like less of a human – then you should try it out. The worst that is going to happen is that it’s not a reciprocated emotion and this is quite frankly a lot better than wasting all thinking/ brain energy on hypothetical femme situations.  At the end of the day, if it all goes pear shaped, well – there’s plenty more fish in the Thames etc.

Much love, Lucy



About LUCY

Femme of sass, sometimes.