ASK BLONDTRON: Condoms.. Are they still cool ?

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Guys, meet Sam AKA Blondtron. If you like the internet and general nonsense, you are actually going to love old mate. Here are some of my top loves about femme, and I’ve never even meet her !

  • Blondtron has one of the funniest Instragams.. On Instagram.
  • Old mate makes music (listen below).
  • She twerks… Like – actually twerks.
  • She is from Canada. Not that I have much of an opinion on which Northern America is better – but most real world people do.
  • Femme has killer tits. If I had boobs, I wish mine looked like hers.
  • Her next album is titled Set Your Pussy Free, which is all sorts of 2014 Yoncé style femme vibes and I obviously love it.
  • Andddd – this happened.

This week she answered one of our Ask Lucy’s. It’s all about safe sex, being a dude and condoms.

GO !

Dear Blondtron –

I’m recently single, and I’m just starting to re-enter the market with a whole heap of ladies.

As I’ve been with the same female for what feels like forever, I’m not entirely sure on the etiquette here.

The other night, I hooked up with someone who was really not fussed about condoms, and this weird’ed me out a bit. Are we not using condoms anymore? Is it fashionable to not practice safe sex?

I really don’t feel good about this – but at the same time I’ve been outta the game for so long, maybe I’m misreading the situation. Maybe I’m being a night in shining armor by suggesting getting a glove on..?

HELP ME – this is hard (pardon the pun.. ahhahahaha)

DEAN.

Well Dean never be confused or ashamed of sheathing your sword, who knows what rough and tumble gal stumbled out of the tavern and down to the fair grounds hoping to catch the last round of lancing.

Here’s the thing… all those crazy, hormone-sex-drugs whizzing through a horny girls brain can make her do crazy things. I stand by my temporary sex insanity defense as far as Todd from blockbuster is concerned. The same hormones that made me hump a bean bag chair when I was 12 are pulsating through my sex crazed girl brain every time I see a suspicious bulge. Our focus narrows to the object of our desires, blurring edges tunnel vision to a single glistening boner.

You were with your lady for a long time and I’m assuming you were riding bareback, so you’ve become accustomed to the soft carnal pleasures of daggerin’ that lotus flower, you were probably so used to it you took it for granted. The thing is, a condom will never feel as good as the real thing but just because I bought a tub of cool whip doesn’t mean I need to eat the whole thing on the couch while I catch up on Grey’s anatomy.

You should always practice safe sex, I know every high school counselor with a bad perm and a ying yang tattoo told you “safe sex is sexy” but it turns out she was right. Get routine check-ups, get up close and personal with your man bits or lady garden – our mental well being is very closely connected to our sex and what it means to be our sex.

If you want to do away with condoms but still want to help that hot new girl in your apartment building put together her IKEA furniture with your allen key maybe have an upfront conversation with her…. like… “Yo girl, you’re cute, I’m cute, let’s get checked out and make burritos with our bodies.” It sounded sexier in my head but you get what I mean.

Don’t be scared to talk about it, it’s hot if you are a man in charge and you’re safe, and don’t judge a wayward woman love drunk on dopamine for trying to dock her iPad. Just gently remind her that safe is sexy.

Now ride off into the orange sunset of safe pussy Sir Lancelot!

Blondtron

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