ASK ASBJØRN: I’m going bald & it feels like dating suicide.

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This week we are roping in another one of our overly talented friends to get around giving some solid life advice. This week – let’s meet Asbjørn. I’m like 175% sure you know who old mate is as it’s Asbjørn. But just in case, here are some facts.

  1. This delicious creature is Danish, like all good pop stars should be.
  2. He came onto the music making scene 2 years ago with The Criminal and has been like one of those super sleek lizards that morph and change ever since. You know – becoming a bigger and better Asbjørn.
  3. In 2014 he is back with Pseudo Visions, which focuses on new aspects of masculinity. 
  4. When he isn’t dying his hair the perfect shade of blond (it is perfect Asbjørn) he is looking to Grace Jones and David Bowie for inspiration – because sex appeal isn’t about gender, it’s an attitude. HEAR HEAR !

With all this considered, this weeks question felt pretty fitting. You will find Asbjørn’s latest track Unfollow below and the answer to the age old question about male pattern baldness.

HIT IT, nah nah nah.

Dear Asbjørn,
I’m going bald and this makes me sad. I’m in my late 20’s and I feel like this situation isn’t getting any better, and I’m officially not meeting any new femmes who will except it as this continues.

Girls don’t like bald guys. How do I combat this situation – because I’m 95% sure there is no miracle cure, so I need to take control.

Thanks,

Paul.

Dear Paul

Shitty situation, that’s for sure. There’s a lot of pride connected to hair and there’s nothing worse than a man with wounded pride. We tend to get unbelievably pathetic and utterly useless whenever we feel emasculated, right? My guess is that you probably see a potential Delila in every woman these days, just waiting to humiliate you and take the remains of your manhood.

But Paul, let’s be frank. It’s not really about the hair, is it? You’re facing a basic confidence issue and as I see it you have two options;

1) Get a wig. Not one of those cheap standard ones that make you look like Tyra Banks on cycle 300 of Americas Next Top Model, but a delicately tailored one. I have some female friends who initiated a special bank account for new boobies on the other side of breastfeeding aesthetically careless babies for a decade. Maybe these women won’t feel sexy anymore and it’s fucking important to feel sexy, both for yourself and for your partner or friends. Confidence is key!

2) Work on yourself. Pull focus away from what you’re lacking and decide to emphasize some human or physical qualities, something you’re proud of and that makes you feel sexy. Maybe you are really good at dancing and the minute you hit the floor you completely forget your insecurities? Or you might have a really juicy ass? Make sure you buy the jeans that show it.

Obviously there’s no question, which is easiest. The wig would eliminate the problem on the surface and you could pick up girls 24/7 changing your hair every night, imitating the evolution of boyband hunks throughout history. Could be fun, huh?! But what will happen that awkward night you Nick Cartered your hair and some super-hot Backstreet Boys groupie pulls it off in pure excitement?

And that leads me to my final question which will determine your future: in that situation, will you A) run out of the club, screaming as if Tyra had just smized in that incredibly creepy way, you know, or B) laugh it off, tell her that you are in fact bald and wearing a wig and resume the flirting?

If you chose A, you are not emotionally ready for a wig. If B, congrats on you new exciting life with superficial hair!

Xo Asbjørn

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About LUCY

Femme of sass, sometimes.