Dear Sexy Spanish Neighbours, Love Blondtron.


Dear sexy spanish neighbours,

Myself and your fellow neighbours are pretty easy going about noise, we all make noise, a lot of us even make noise past when we’re supposed to make noise.

The thing is, we’re not teaching seagulls how to sound out vowels at 3:45 in the morning either. (I can only assume that’s what you’re doing with a sound that annoying and repetitive)

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Obviously if you were doing something like, say, making love… you’d at least throw a few words in or grunts. I mean TEACH US SOME SPANISH. I might actually learn spanish if it was that exciting.

The thing is, I get what it’s like to be caught up in the throes of passion, and sometimes that can happen a little late at night. I was also a young asshole once, and I too, didn’t give a flying bag of tits about how loud I was or how late it was. But one day I realized what a shitty way of being that is, because other people didn’t need to hear my young obnoxious bullshit when they were just trying to get a good sleep.

Now luckily there is an easy fix to this…You have a WINDOW!! This can block out a lot of sound (even super fake orgasms!!) I have included a diagram of how it works just in case you haven’t seen the sliding glass door scene in Ace Ventura, Pet Detective (You might be too young…Youtube it, it’s hilarious)

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Fig. 1. Basic Window Operation

You’ll see that it is quite easy to use, I’m sure you’ll start using it now that you know how, which is really great for everyone.

If you sometimes forget, don’t worry, I’m happy to remind you it’s open. I bought a super soaker today, a really powerful one, it says on the box that it can shoot water over 9 meters!


So give that whole window shutting gig a whirl and hopefully I won’t have to go all Seal Team 6/Water World on this situation.

Sincerely, your neighbour

…and all your other neighbours that work hard and are tired and like to leave our windows open in the summer that don’t think we’re asking much of you.