I am going through a moment in time where I am totally, 100% single – and I need to be cool at it. So far, I’m not sure I have been – and historically I’m not so good at managing the feels involved. But today (Sunday) – I woke up solo and realized ACTUALLY it’s not that bad. I’ve watched an episode of Bob’s Burgers, showered, ate some muesli, had 2 coffees, brushed my teeth – and it’s only 12:15. To view these things alone, I would say that I am somehow winning at my Sunday.
And in reflection of all this, I thought – probably there are bigger, cooler things about being single that I’m missing because all I concentrate on is:
- The winter is evidently coming.
- The reality that my phone no longer blows up with irrelevant gifs/ #fromwhereistand messages from any and all mates I more than high five with.
- The (missing in) action of sucking face, full stop.
- Rejection. Even if I am the fucking honey badger, this one is particularly boring.
SO – here are my top 5 ways to feel really cool about being single, without having succumbed to 3 cats and a casual life of hoarding.
1. SLEEP DIAGONAL
When you roll around with someone, it actually doesn’t matter how big the bed is – you will typically only use up the space of a King-single. So – when you have a queen bed and no one to share it with – if you aren’t sleeping diagonally, you’re an idiot. You get all the pillows, 180cm of horizontal space and never have to fight for the doona. Yes it has it’s downsides of half the bed can be cold and in winter this is stressful – but I urge you to get a couple of hot water bottles and solve the only valid issue I see with this win/win of a situation.
2. MENS BODY WASH
This one makes me a little shitty that I’m even writing it down, and it feels about as tragic as getting three cats and hoarding newspapers. BUT – the fact of the matter is, there is nothing better than guy body wash smell. That smell for me – could actually surpass the benefits of having a guy who uses body wash in your shower infrequently but often enough that you might miss it. This morning – my body wash ran out, so I used guy body wash and my bathroom smells like all sorts of fabulous emotions I have been missing. Yes – it’s totally superficial. And yes – absolutely tragic. But it’s nice nostalgic sensory feeling, which I legitimately don’t need a mate for. Thank you steamy bathrooms?….Hmm :/
3. ALL THE FRWENDZZ, ALL THE FEELS
Do you realize how much more time you have when you don’t have someone to text/ call/ hang out with? Lots. I mean – probably not LOTS but some. And between work, life admin and exercise – it doesn’t leave you much room to split among mates and your mate. One of the greatest ways to enjoy being footloose and fancy free is to hang out with your friends – because they are cool, and funny and won’t break up with you (we hope).
4. LIFE IS EXCITING AS WHAT !
Life is fucking exciting…..when you only have yourself to think about. You can apply for jobs in Asia, you can travel to South America, you can suck face with dudes half your age – because YOLO ! (actually I could not do this, as that would make them 15, but you know what I mean). The cool thing about being your own person and just hanging out with friends or exploring life – is all the new things/ people.
Yeah, on the best of days I hate most people – no offense people but really lots of you are super vanilla. However sometimes there is that one person you meet every once in a while that restores your faith in humanity/ humans in general. And it’s this aspect of unknown that you should be channelling. Not that you should be always looking for the next best thing – BUT the unknown is exciting and getting around life like it’s a pick your own adventure novel is the way it should be lived. So do things, meet people – and don’t be so limited by the poopy-norm.
5. NEVER COMPROMISE – BECAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE TO !
You know when you want to eat Mexican but your mate wants to eat Thai and you are all like “Buh – fuck this, I don’t even LIKE rice.” But you go and eat Thai anyway because you’re nice like that, and this is not something you want to fight about. Yeah – you don’t have to do this right now. You want to eat ice cream – HAVE TWO SCOOPS ! You want to eat pizza? Ain’t nobody stopping you.
The greatest way to recognize that single life is kind of awesome is to realize you don’t ever have to compromise. You are the Honey Badger (review below video) – you can do what you want, when you want it – and you don’t actually have to give a fuck about anything.